Three Years Ago

Sirshi sat in her room and stared out the window. There was nothing else to do. Her parents had discovered her stockpile of books about the temples of Skwyr and confiscated them. She wasn’t allowed to leave until she “saw reason”. She saw reason just fine, it was her parents that couldn’t see it.

Her stomach growled. She felt lightheaded, but every time she thought about eating, she remembered how at home she felt in the Temple of the Rising Sun. She would get her way. If not, her parents wouldn’t have to deal with what a disappointment they thought she was.

Someone knocked on her door. She ignored it.

“Sirshi,” her mother called. “Sirshi, come and eat.”

Sirshi looked at the second bed in her room. Ekla always got what she wanted. She was a master knight, but still they left her bed made in case she ever wanted to stay with them. If they ever got rid of Sirshi, she knew her bed would be gone the next day.

“You’re not becoming a priest,” her mother called. “Give up and come eat. You haven’t had anything all day, you must be hungry by now.”

I can outlast you, mother. You and father.

Her mother tried the door again, but the shelf Sirshi had pushed against it held.

“Open this door!”

Sirshi lied back in her bed. Her parents had been at this all day, and they’d gotten nowhere. She was determined to outlast them, and she knew she could.

“Come out and eat!” her father yelled, taking over.

She’d stopped talking to them days ago when they’d told her she was going to be an apprentice knight instead of an apprentice priest like she wanted. They’d stormed her room and taken her books. She was forbidden from going to the temples anymore, not that they’d known that she was going before she’d told them. They didn’t care about her. They were too busy fawning over Ekla. Their favorite daughter. She and Ekla didn’t even have the same mother, but you’d never know from watching their family.

Sirshi thought about the temple and wondered if Master Moudren was there. Only the head priest stayed there all day, but Master Moudren helped tend everything. Maybe she was still there. And there was all the practice they had to do, remembering the rites and rituals to pay homage to Olmgra. Everything her parents said was a waste of time.

Olmgra gave her hope. Hope that her parents would give in and let her become an apprentice priest. Hope that she could be like Master Moudren some day. She wanted to be Master Moudren’s apprentice, and she held onto that hope, no matter how unlikely it was. Ekla had dreams too; she went on about how she wanted to be Lady True Knight one day, like her master, the current Lord True Knight, or maybe even queen. If Ekla could have dreams, why couldn’t Sirshi?

---

Present Day

The one part about being a priest of Olmgra that Sirshi didn’t like was having to wake up so early. She kept thinking she would get used to it, but she still wanted to hurl her identification orb across the room.

“Stupid bauble!” she shouted at it when it went off that morning. She still climbed out of bed and got ready, lest she be late and disappoint Master Moudren. It’d taken her a few days into her apprenticeship to get over her impulse to be late to spite her parents, but when Master Moudren was disappointed in her, it really got to her.

She hurried through the corridors, not caring if anyone shouted at her to stop running. When she arrived at the temple, Master Moudren was waiting for her.

“I’m here!” Sirshi shouted as she came to a stop. “I’m not late!”

She stopped to catch her breath.

“Good morning, Apprentice Sirshi,” Master Moudren said in her calm, kind voice. “Please put your robes on and meet me in my office. You’re not in trouble, but I have something about which I’d like to talk to you.”

Sirshi went to the storeroom with all the robes in it. She picked hers out and pulled it over herself. The blue and gold patterns glittered in the orblight as she adjusted the sleeves. If anything wasn’t straight (she always missed something), Master Moudren would tell her, but not like her parents did.

She pushed her parents out of her mind as she walked. They weren’t her problem anymore; like Ekla, they wouldn’t dare step foot in a temple.

“Master Moudren.” Sirshi stood at attention in Master Moudren’s office. Books lined the shelves behind Master Moudren’s desk. A picture of Olmgra smiled down on everyone who entered, illuminated by orbs around the small room.

“Thank you for coming,” Master Moudren said. She stood up and started adjusting Sirshi’s robes. “I wanted to talk to you about Apprentice Roshil. That was very kind the way you stood up for her yesterday.”

Sirshi held up her arms to keep them out of Master Moudren’s way. “Oh. Thanks.”

Hearing Kurgm lie about Roshil like that had brought up her parents again.

The temples don’t do anything for the court.

The deities never help us, so why waste time on them?

Maybe that’s why she’d been thinking about them again. She clamped down on it, trying to keep her anger down. Why did Kurgm have to drag it up again?

“Master Ekla sends her apologies for her apprentice,” Master Moudren said as she finished fixing Sirshi’s robes. “I know she’s not your favorite person, but she did sound sorry.”

“Well, that makes it all better,” Sirshi muttered, taking her arms down.

“I didn’t ask you here to talk about your sister.”

“Half-sister.”

“Of course. I don’t think you notice the way Apprentice Roshil is around you.”

“That’s just how she is. There’s nothing wrong with her.”

“I never said there was. I meant, I believe she has feelings for you.”

“What? No, she doesn’t. She just likes fixing things.”

“Perhaps you should talk to her, just to make sure.”

“Okay.” Sirshi wasn’t convinced that anyone liked her that way, but if Master Moudren thought so, there was bound to be a reason. This was already the best conversation about her and dating she’d ever had. All the others had included some variation on the phrase “How are you ever going to find a man to marry you when you act like that?”

Even better than that, Master Moudren didn’t ask her about boys. Sirshi’s parents had started asking her when she turned 11, and the answer had always been the same: No. They didn’t pester Ekla like that, so why did they have to pester her? No one had ever caught her eye, but her parents refused to accept that. As always, they assumed she was lying to them, and scolded her for it.

Sirshi pushed them out of her head again and focused on the Sun Welcoming Ceremony and Roshil. Roshil wouldn’t be upset if Sirshi said she wasn’t interested, would she? Since when did Sirshi start to care about upsetting people when she talked to them?

Well, Roshil is my only friend. Also Oshal.

After the Sun Welcoming Ceremony, Sirshi helped clear away the spare mats, then grabbed a broom to start sweeping the floor.

“Sirshi?”

Kurgm was standing next to her, smiling for some reason. Maybe it was the ceremony. It always put Sirshi in a better mood.

“I’m sorry about yesterday.”

“What? Oh, sure.”

She started sweeping the floor, hoping he’d leave if she ignored him, but he didn’t.

“I was… Aonva’s been off since what Roshil did, and I thought it might be some lingering effect.”

“Really.”

“Yeah, it was scary when it happened. I thought she might be in trouble, and then she seemed so different, and there was this whole thing after that.”

Sirshi swept dust into a pile, wondering if she could do the same to Kurgm.

“I thought there might’ve been more to it that Roshil hadn’t said.”

Sirshi nearly responded, but something told her that if she did, he’d only keep talking. At least he was aware enough to step out of her way.

“I don’t know if anyone’s told you, but be careful about talking about the dragon that cursed her,” he said, keeping his voice down.

“Wasn’t planning on it.”

“Good. I mean… I’m still annoyed at her, but Master Ekla says it’s important.”

“Well, if she said so…”

He glanced at the door that led to the castle. “I should be going. Thanks for listening.”

“Make today a bright day,” she said automatically.

“Yeah.” Kurgm smiled. “You too.”

As Sirshi finished up her chores, she wondered about Roshil. Roshil couldn’t have feelings for her. No one had feelings for her. It made life simple, which was just how Sirshi liked her life. Why did anyone have to have feelings for her and make things complicated? Or at least it could’ve been someone she’d never met, so she could tell them off without feeling bad. Actually, when had she ever felt bad about telling someone off? Was being afraid of hurting someone’s feelings a normal friend thing?

If I had other friends, maybe I’d know. Oshal’s sort of a friend, and I don’t want to hurt his feelings.

She’d thought she and Kurgm were sort of friends, but she’d yelled at him without concern last night at dinner. Then again, the way he was treating Roshil, he was asking for it.

She put away the cleaning supplies, then took off her robe. She was about to leave when Master Moudren intercepted her with a letter in her hand.

“This just arrived for you.”

Sirshi took the letter and opened it. She had a bad feeling about this. No one ever wrote to her.

Sirshi,

Your mother and I have talked, and decided that it’s time you forgot about this nonsense of becoming a priest. We understand that you’re a teenager and that cries for attention are normal (although they weren’t for your sister), but this has gone on long enough.

You don’t have to leave the castle if you don’t want to, but if you stay, you must change specializations. You have two days to decide what you want to do instead. Why not be a knight like your sister?

Your Father

#VolumeTwo #DutyToOlmgraAndFamily

“He can’t do this!” Sirshi screamed. Her cries echoed out of Master Moudren’s office and out into the temple chambers.

“Parents are within their rights—”

“This is my life! He has no right to change it like this!”

“He’s your father.”

“So what? He’s never acted like it! Until I’d met Daylarl, I’d always assumed fathers were supposed to be controlling and stupid and not care at all! I thought I’d left that behind when I came here, but oh no, he has to find some way to control me even here!”

“I don’t know what you expect me to do about.”

“Can’t you tell him ‘no’? He can’t make me change specializations! I don’t want to be a knight, or a mage, or whatever else he’s going to make me be! I want to be a priest!”

“And if I had my way, you would continue to be, but parents are within their rights to change the specializations of their children.”

An idea came to her, something she would’ve liked to have thought of earlier.

“Then I’ll just change it back without telling him!”

“If an apprentice requests a change in specialization, the court must inform the apprentice’s guardians.”

“So my parents can make me be something I don’t want to be?”

“It’s not that simple.”

“That’s what it sounds like!”

“There’s an application process, and the court may recommend against any changes. When changing specializations, the officer of the apprentice’s new specialization may still reject the application, just as for a new apprentice.”

“There! If they reject it—”

“Then you simply would no longer be an apprentice. I’m sorry, Apprentice Sirshi, truly I am. But all I can do is recommend against the change. The decision still lies with your parents.”

“Why don’t I get a say?”

“There are two difficult situations the court may end up in. The first is that an apprentice is choosing a specialization that their parents argue against, the second is that the parents choose a specialization that is no good for the apprentice. When the court is caught between a dispute between an apprentice and her parents, we don’t want to be seen as taking sides. Therefore, all I can do is look to the court’s interests. I can stress that it would be in the best interests of the court for you to remain as a priest, but that is all.”

Sirshi wanted to keep screaming, but she knew it wouldn’t do her any good. It wasn’t as though Master Moudren wanted her gone. Some sensible part of her brain reminded her of that.

In spite of everything, she kept thinking of Roshil. Her friend needed help, even if Sirshi wasn’t sure how to provide it. She was supposed to raise peoples’ spirits, but she wasn’t good at it yet.

I have to keep trying. I can’t let her or Master Moudren down.

More anger squeezed into her head. She wanted to be a priest of Olmgra. That was all. Helping Roshil shouldn’t have been her responsibility, but something in her kept telling her it was. Was this what having friends would be like? Dealing with needy people all the time? She clearly had her own problems.

She needs you, something in her head told her. Her conscience? She hated that thing. Why did people have to… she didn’t know. Exist? Wasn’t that what they did? She’d managed to ignore them for 15 years so far.

“Are you calm?” Master Moudren asked.

“I don’t know. I’m still angry.”

“I promise I will do everything I can. I will speak with Our Lady Exalted Priest later today.”

It calmed her down a little to remember how her parents had treated Lady Runslo when she’d arrived for Sirshi’s apprenticeship interview. They’d had to speak outside because her parents refused to let her in. Sirshi had decided then that she liked Lady Runslo, if only because her parents had hated her.

Why now? Why do they have to do this now?

That question stuck with her, burrowing into her head like a worm. Why were her parents doing this now? What had changed? Had they finally decided that she was serious about it?

“Why are they doing this now?”

“I don’t know that asking that question will help,” Master Moudren replied. “Apprentice Sirshi, believe me, if there were anything I could do, I’d be doing it now. I’ve already told you everything I know. I hope, should the worst come to pass, that you will still attend the ceremonies.”

Sirshi wanted to stay in the temple, but could she? Could she watch some other apprentice performing the ceremonies in her place? She hated the idea of someone else having what she so desperately wanted. Master Moudren was the first person in her life that had cared what she wanted. Olmgra gave her hope that she’d matter to someone. She didn’t matter to her family.

I matter to Master Moudren. And to Roshil and Oshal.

Another pang of guilt pushed its way past the anger. It was hard to tell anymore, but she was afraid that she’d made Roshil worse. What if that’s all she did?

“Why does this have to be happening now?”

Master Moudren got up from behind her desk. Like Ekla, she was always calm, but there was never condescension in her. She wasn’t arrogant like Ekla, she was kind, like Olmgra herself.

“As dark as tomorrow may be, today can still be bright.”

Sirshi bottled up her anger. She nodded and allowed Master Moudren to lead her back into the temple proper. They lit candles and prayed to Olmgra to give them hope for tomorrow. All the while, the same question sat in Sirshi’s mind: “Why now?”

The question stuck with her all day. As she came and went from the Temple of the Rising Sun, it stuck with her. As she sat bored in class, it stuck with her. Master Moudren might’ve been right; maybe it wouldn’t help her to know the answer. Even if that was true, Sirshi felt like she was doing something.

She went to dinner that night, on time for once. The possibility that Master Moudren was already lessening her duties occurred to her, but she tried not to consider it. Master Moudren wasn’t like her parents.

She sat down in the same place she had the previous night. No one was sitting near her, which was fine by her. She didn’t want random apprentices trying to be friends with her. Most of them didn’t try, but she never trusted weavers or knights.

She glanced over her shoulder and saw Oshal sitting with some other apprentices. At least he was having a good time. Could he sense how annoyed she was?

Roshil walked in and stopped when she saw Sirshi. With a quick glance over her shoulder, she continued and took a seat opposite her.

Before Sirshi could say anything, the officers entered the great hall. Everyone rose with their arrival, then took their seats when His Majesty took his.

“Hi, Sirshi.”

Like the previous night, Roshil’s hair was covering most of her face. Sirshi had been lectured by Master Daktra the last time she’d done that.

“Hi, Roshil. Um…” What did normal people say when they were asking about mushy feelings? Did they just ask if someone had mushy feelings? “Do you have trouble seeing through your hair like that?”

Roshil shook her head, sending her hair tumbling around with it. It was clearly of no concern to her.

“Has Kurgm been picking on you?”

“No.”

Trying to watch her words felt weird to Sirshi, so she decided to play to her strengths.

“Master Moudren thinks you have feelings for me.”

Being blunt. Sirshi was good at being blunt.

Roshil froze halfway through tearing apart a piece of meat.

“I don’t really have feelings for anyone,” Sirshi continued, “and I didn’t think you really cared, but I wanted to make that clear, because Master Moudren thinks it’s important.”

“Okay. That’s fine, I guess. Um… no, that’s fine.” Roshil beamed at her. “See? Smile. That means I’m fine.”

“Good. Glad we got that out of the way.”

They ate in silence for the rest of dinner. When they were finished, Lord Grund came to fetch Roshil.

“Apprentice Sirshi.”

Sirshi stood at attention. Contrary to popular belief, she didn’t have issues with all authority figures, only specific ones.

“If the temple has work it needs done, it’s to come to me, not to Apprentice Roshil. Understood?”

Sirshi glanced at Roshil. What little Sirshi could see of Roshil’s eyes through her hair were looking at the ground.

“I understand, My Lord.”

“Good. Apprentice Roshil.”

He led her out of the great hall.

Sirshi watched them leave, wondering if she should’ve said something to Roshil about the letter. If nothing else, at least she would’ve had someone who’d be angry too.

Why now?

There was the question again. The same question that had been haunting her all day. As she fell asleep, the answer occurred to her.

#VolumeTwo #DutyToOlmgraAndFamily

Sirshi couldn’t help but feel sad when she walked into the Temple of the Rising Sun early the next morning. People were beginning to congregate, which meant she was late. Many of them said hello to her. She smiled and acted the perfect apprentice priest.

Her sadness fought with the anger she still held inside. She knew who was to blame for this. The person that had no doubt been keeping tabs on her the entire time she’d been at the castle. The person that had never wanted her to be a priest either.

As she got her robes on, she thought about Roshil. Even if she didn’t feel the same way about her, she was worried. She wished Roshil would come back to the temple. The thought of breaking a statue crossed her mind. Not only could she not do that on purpose, but Lord Grund had told her to go to him, not to Roshil if one broke again. That probably meant Roshil wouldn’t be the one fixing it.

At least her punishment will have to end eventually.

During the Sun Welcoming Ceremony, Sirshi let Master Moudren’s brief words into the storm of anger. She let the sun wash over her. She had a plan, and with it, hope. If Master Moudren couldn’t do anything, Sirshi could at least confront the person responsible for telling her parents to force her away from the temple.

It wasn’t hard to find Ekla, not really. After the Sun Welcoming Ceremony the next morning, she followed Kurgm out of the temple.

“Master Ekla is probably waiting,” he said, eyeing her.

“I’m counting on it,” she said.

Sure enough, there was her half-sister, looking self-important like always. She never looked smug to other people, but Sirshi could see it in her. She knew her half-sister well enough to know that’s how she was.

“What did you do?” Sirshi demanded.

Ekla stayed calm and collected, just like she always did. Didn’t anything bother her? She could’ve at least pretended she cared.

“What are you talking about?” she asked.

“Don’t act stupid!”

“No, that’s what you do.”

Sirshi ground her teeth together as Kurgm stepped between them.

“I don’t like having to be the adult here,” he said. “I don’t think this is a good time or place to do whatever this is.”

“Apprentice Kurgm, stay out of this. Apprentice Sirshi, what are you talking about?”

“Father’s demanding that I change specializations!”

“He’s what?” Kurgm asked. He looked from Sirshi to Ekla. “Is he allowed to do that?”

“Apparently, he is! Sent me a letter yesterday to tell me all about how my ‘cry for attention’ has to end!” She pulled out the letter and shook it. “What did you do?”

Kurgm took the letter and read it. At least he was interested in what was going on.

“What?” he said. He turned to Ekla. “Master Ekla?”

She took the letter and read it over. Her expression never changed. It stayed cold and hard, just like she was. Deep down, that’s who she was, and Sirshi knew it.

“Sirshi, Master Ekla wouldn’t do that.”

“I didn’t expect you ever reached out to him, or your mother,” Ekla said. “I told him you were doing well. That’s all.”

Kurgm opened his mouth to speak, but Sirshi cut him off.

“Really? And why should I believe you?”

“Because I have never lied to you,” Ekla replied.

“But you still talked about me to father behind my back!”

“To tell him how you were doing.”

“He doesn’t care about me! If he did, he wouldn’t be doing this to me!”

“Apprentice Sirshi, that’s enough.” Master Moudren put herself between Sirshi and Ekla. “You’re embarrassing yourself and the temple.”

For the first time since she’d started yelling at her half-sister, Sirshi noticed that their argument had drawn a crowd. It wasn’t much, and most of the apprentices were dispersing now that there were two masters involved. Even with people staring at her, she couldn’t find it in her to be embarrassed. Anger had shut out every other emotion in her. It was all she felt, all she was, and it was all Ekla’s fault.

Ekla held out the letter to her, and Sirshi snatched it out of her grasp.

“No matter how upset you get,” Master Moudren said, “I expect better of you than to yell at a servant of the court, regardless of who they are.”

“She started all of this. If it hadn’t been for her, none of this would be happening!”

“I know that’s not true,” Master Moudren said. “At least, I know that’s not what she intended.”

“You don’t know her like I do. She never wanted me to be a priest!”

“What I want—”

“Master Ekla,” Master Moudren said, “I imagine you and your apprentice have work to do elsewhere.” She smiled at Kurgm. “Apprentice Kurgm, it’s always nice to see you.”

He stood at attention and smiled back at her.

Ekla’s eyes moved from Master Moudren to Sirshi, then she turned around and walked away down the corridor.

“Apprentice Sirshi, I’m disappointed in you.”

“But—”

Master Moudren glared at her, and Sirshi’s anger evaporated like water in the desert. Master Moudren had never glared at anyone.

“I’m… I’m sorry, Master Moudren.”

The glare disappeared from Master Moudren’s face. Sirshi wanted her to smile, but she didn’t think that was likely to happen.

“I spoke with Our Lady Exalted Priest yesterday,” Master Moudren said. “I’m afraid this isn’t the first time this has happened. Parents not wanting their children to be apprentice priests because they themselves believe worshiping deities is a waste of time. She said she would look into those other cases — they were before her time here — and see if she could find anything.”

“So she can stop my parents?”

The sunken expression on Master Moudren’s face gave her an answer before Master Moudren herself did.

“We can’t be certain. She can only try her best. That’s all any of us can do.”

#VolumeTwo #DutyToOlmgraAndFamily

Sirshi went through the rest of the day with a cloud hanging over her. She stayed in the temple until Master Moudren ordered her to leave and get some sleep. No matter how hard Sirshi tried, she couldn’t fall asleep. She kept thinking about what would happen the next morning when her parents arrived to take her away. If they didn’t outright drag her from the castle, they probably would take her out of the temple. There was still nothing she could do.

When her orb told her to give up trying to get sleep, she got out of bed and washed up. She slung her pack over her shoulder and left her room.

“Good morning.” Kurgm was waiting outside their rooms.

“What’re you doing here?” she asked.

“Moral support.”

“I don’t need your help. Tell Ekla—”

“Master Ekla doesn’t know I’m here.”

“I doubt she cares. My parents won’t be up this early, so by the time they arrive, you’ll be gone.”

“Have you told anyone else?”

“No.”

She thought for a moment that he would ask about Roshil, but he remained quiet as they walked to the temple. Sirshi got ready for the Sun Welcoming Ceremony. She did her best to fake it. How was she supposed to spread hope when she had none left?

Sirshi and Master Moudren remained in the temple chamber after Sirshi finished cleaning up after the ceremony. After a while, Kurgm returned to the temple.

“I don’t know where Master Ekla is,” he said. “She’s usually here when I’m finished.”

“You two should go eat breakfast,” Master Moudren said. “You may return here afterward. Your father said he’d arrive shortly after breakfast.”

“When di