Duty to Olmgra and Family, Part II
“He can’t do this!” Sirshi screamed. Her cries echoed out of Master Moudren’s office and out into the temple chambers.
“Parents are within their rights—”
“This is my life! He has no right to change it like this!”
“He’s your father.”
“So what? He’s never acted like it! Until I’d met Daylarl, I’d always assumed fathers were supposed to be controlling and stupid and not care at all! I thought I’d left that behind when I came here, but oh no, he has to find some way to control me even here!”
“I don’t know what you expect me to do about.”
“Can’t you tell him ‘no’? He can’t make me change specializations! I don’t want to be a knight, or a mage, or whatever else he’s going to make me be! I want to be a priest!”
“And if I had my way, you would continue to be, but parents are within their rights to change the specializations of their children.”
An idea came to her, something she would’ve liked to have thought of earlier.
“Then I’ll just change it back without telling him!”
“If an apprentice requests a change in specialization, the court must inform the apprentice’s guardians.”
“So my parents can make me be something I don’t want to be?”
“It’s not that simple.”
“That’s what it sounds like!”
“There’s an application process, and the court may recommend against any changes. When changing specializations, the officer of the apprentice’s new specialization may still reject the application, just as for a new apprentice.”
“There! If they reject it—”
“Then you simply would no longer be an apprentice. I’m sorry, Apprentice Sirshi, truly I am. But all I can do is recommend against the change. The decision still lies with your parents.”
“Why don’t I get a say?”
“There are two difficult situations the court may end up in. The first is that an apprentice is choosing a specialization that their parents argue against, the second is that the parents choose a specialization that is no good for the apprentice. When the court is caught between a dispute between an apprentice and her parents, we don’t want to be seen as taking sides. Therefore, all I can do is look to the court’s interests. I can stress that it would be in the best interests of the court for you to remain as a priest, but that is all.”
Sirshi wanted to keep screaming, but she knew it wouldn’t do her any good. It wasn’t as though Master Moudren wanted her gone. Some sensible part of her brain reminded her of that.
In spite of everything, she kept thinking of Roshil. Her friend needed help, even if Sirshi wasn’t sure how to provide it. She was supposed to raise peoples’ spirits, but she wasn’t good at it yet.
I have to keep trying. I can’t let her or Master Moudren down.
More anger squeezed into her head. She wanted to be a priest of Olmgra. That was all. Helping Roshil shouldn’t have been her responsibility, but something in her kept telling her it was. Was this what having friends would be like? Dealing with needy people all the time? She clearly had her own problems.
She needs you, something in her head told her. Her conscience? She hated that thing. Why did people have to… she didn’t know. Exist? Wasn’t that what they did? She’d managed to ignore them for 15 years so far.
“Are you calm?” Master Moudren asked.
“I don’t know. I’m still angry.”
“I promise I will do everything I can. I will speak with Our Lady Exalted Priest later today.”
It calmed her down a little to remember how her parents had treated Lady Runslo when she’d arrived for Sirshi’s apprenticeship interview. They’d had to speak outside because her parents refused to let her in. Sirshi had decided then that she liked Lady Runslo, if only because her parents had hated her.
Why now? Why do they have to do this now?
That question stuck with her, burrowing into her head like a worm. Why were her parents doing this now? What had changed? Had they finally decided that she was serious about it?
“Why are they doing this now?”
“I don’t know that asking that question will help,” Master Moudren replied. “Apprentice Sirshi, believe me, if there were anything I could do, I’d be doing it now. I’ve already told you everything I know. I hope, should the worst come to pass, that you will still attend the ceremonies.”
Sirshi wanted to stay in the temple, but could she? Could she watch some other apprentice performing the ceremonies in her place? She hated the idea of someone else having what she so desperately wanted. Master Moudren was the first person in her life that had cared what she wanted. Olmgra gave her hope that she’d matter to someone. She didn’t matter to her family.
I matter to Master Moudren. And to Roshil and Oshal.
Another pang of guilt pushed its way past the anger. It was hard to tell anymore, but she was afraid that she’d made Roshil worse. What if that’s all she did?
“Why does this have to be happening now?”
Master Moudren got up from behind her desk. Like Ekla, she was always calm, but there was never condescension in her. She wasn’t arrogant like Ekla, she was kind, like Olmgra herself.
“As dark as tomorrow may be, today can still be bright.”
Sirshi bottled up her anger. She nodded and allowed Master Moudren to lead her back into the temple proper. They lit candles and prayed to Olmgra to give them hope for tomorrow. All the while, the same question sat in Sirshi’s mind: “Why now?”
The question stuck with her all day. As she came and went from the Temple of the Rising Sun, it stuck with her. As she sat bored in class, it stuck with her. Master Moudren might’ve been right; maybe it wouldn’t help her to know the answer. Even if that was true, Sirshi felt like she was doing something.
She went to dinner that night, on time for once. The possibility that Master Moudren was already lessening her duties occurred to her, but she tried not to consider it. Master Moudren wasn’t like her parents.
She sat down in the same place she had the previous night. No one was sitting near her, which was fine by her. She didn’t want random apprentices trying to be friends with her. Most of them didn’t try, but she never trusted weavers or knights.
She glanced over her shoulder and saw Oshal sitting with some other apprentices. At least he was having a good time. Could he sense how annoyed she was?
Roshil walked in and stopped when she saw Sirshi. With a quick glance over her shoulder, she continued and took a seat opposite her.
Before Sirshi could say anything, the officers entered the great hall. Everyone rose with their arrival, then took their seats when His Majesty took his.
“Hi, Sirshi.”
Like the previous night, Roshil’s hair was covering most of her face. Sirshi had been lectured by Master Daktra the last time she’d done that.
“Hi, Roshil. Um…” What did normal people say when they were asking about mushy feelings? Did they just ask if someone had mushy feelings? “Do you have trouble seeing through your hair like that?”
Roshil shook her head, sending her hair tumbling around with it. It was clearly of no concern to her.
“Has Kurgm been picking on you?”
“No.”
Trying to watch her words felt weird to Sirshi, so she decided to play to her strengths.
“Master Moudren thinks you have feelings for me.”
Being blunt. Sirshi was good at being blunt.
Roshil froze halfway through tearing apart a piece of meat.
“I don’t really have feelings for anyone,” Sirshi continued, “and I didn’t think you really cared, but I wanted to make that clear, because Master Moudren thinks it’s important.”
“Okay. That’s fine, I guess. Um… no, that’s fine.” Roshil beamed at her. “See? Smile. That means I’m fine.”
“Good. Glad we got that out of the way.”
They ate in silence for the rest of dinner. When they were finished, Lord Grund came to fetch Roshil.
“Apprentice Sirshi.”
Sirshi stood at attention. Contrary to popular belief, she didn’t have issues with all authority figures, only specific ones.
“If the temple has work it needs done, it’s to come to me, not to Apprentice Roshil. Understood?”
Sirshi glanced at Roshil. What little Sirshi could see of Roshil’s eyes through her hair were looking at the ground.
“I understand, My Lord.”
“Good. Apprentice Roshil.”
He led her out of the great hall.
Sirshi watched them leave, wondering if she should’ve said something to Roshil about the letter. If nothing else, at least she would’ve had someone who’d be angry too.
Why now?
There was the question again. The same question that had been haunting her all day. As she fell asleep, the answer occurred to her.