Skwyr Court

flyaway

Roshil wiped her forehead on her tunic sleeve. She inspected the statue again, looking over the stone for any more chips or cracks.

“I think that’s everything,” Sirshi called from the ground.

“That’s what you said earlier, but I still found some.” Roshil adjusted the magnification on her goggles again. Her gaze swept up and down the statue. Even the tiniest flaw was unacceptable. Only the best for Sirshi and the Temple of the Rising Sun.

After another five minutes in which there was total silence, Roshil pulled off her goggles and began climbing down the ladder. “Now that’s everything.”

“Thank you so much,” Sirshi said. “Your help means a lot to the temple.”

Her smile twisted Roshil’s stomach into knots.

“Oh! You’re welcome!” she shouted. “Um… Master Grund says it’s good for me to practice repairs, since that’s a lot of the job too.”

She looked up at the ceiling and wondered if there was anything she could do there. The more work she found, the more time she could spend with Sirshi.

“I’m glad you’re not wasting your time on me.”

“Of course not! I like spending time with you.”

When Sirshi didn’t say anything, Roshil realized how ridiculous she’d sounded.

“Anyway, you should probably go eat,” Sirshi said. She looked up at the darkening sky through the windows. “It’s almost dinnertime.”

“I’m not hungry.”

Her stomach betrayed her by growling.

“Much.”

Sirshi laughed. “It’s fine. Go eat.”

“What about you?”

“I still have some tidying up to do. You don’t need to stick around for it.”

A pain grew in Roshil’s stomach. Despite popular opinion, she was well-adjusted enough to recognize when she wasn’t wanted.

“I’ll see you soon, then?” she asked, still hoping Sirshi would change her mind.

“There’s nothing else we need you for,” Sirshi said. “But I’ll see you tomorrow morning at the Sun Welcoming Ceremony, right?”

“Bright and early.” Far earlier than Roshil had ever wanted to wake up in her life, but seeing Sirshi in her robes was worth it. Roshil wasn’t good with words, but one day, she wanted to find the right ones to describe how Sirshi looked.

Maybe it’d be easier in Arcane.

Roshil waved bye to Sirshi, knowing full well it would be a while before they got to talk again. Roshil liked talking to Sirshi; she was one of the few people that didn’t think she was weird. Sirshi got angry too sometimes, so Roshil didn’t feel so out of place when she yelled or growled at people. Before her time in the castle, she would’ve gone to Oshal, but just like back then, he had his own friends, and they all thought there was something wrong with her. Even Aonva was spending a lot more time with Kurgm, and Roshil couldn’t talk to Sirshi in the morning because she’d have to start cleaning the temple or putting away mats or practicing more rites and rituals. According to Aonva, who was a fountain of knowledge about the Temple of the Rising Sun when Kurgm was around, there were hundreds of them.

There are the routine ones, celebrating birth and death, the coming of the sun and the start of the warm season. But priests must know how to appeal to their deities in times of need. Those are especially difficult. It’s a little like magic, but it takes a different sort of precision.

Roshil liked it when Aonva talked, but now she felt ignored. Aonva’s attention was always on Kurgm, and Roshil didn’t know what she had to do to get it back.

She reached the great hall. Judging by how quiet it was, the officers were about to walk in and take their seats. She scanned for Aonva, but couldn’t find her. She did spot Oshal, sitting with a few apprentices she didn’t know. Instead of being ignored by her brother in favor of people that didn’t like her, Roshil chose to sit at the end of one of the long tables. At least people couldn’t insult her to her face if she sat alone.

The officers walked in, and everyone stood at attention. His Majesty followed and everyone sat down. Food appeared on the table, but Roshil wasn’t that hungry. She looked around, wondering whore Aonva was.

Probably in the kitchens with Kurgm. Again.

Aonva hated eating with everyone in the great hall, but it’d never occurred to Roshil that they might be able to eat somewhere else. But it had occurred to Kurgm; he knew the castle better, and he was better with people. He was a better friend to Aonva than Roshil could ever hope to be.

Roshil picked at her food until dinner was over and she was allowed to leave. The moment she could, she raced down to the kitchens. Sure enough, there were Aonva and Kurgm.

“Roshil,” Aonva said, smiling. Roshil liked her crooked smile. It reminded Roshil of her own awkwardness, and it was nice to know that it wasn’t only her like that. “How was dinner?”

“The same as it was yesterday.” When I sat on my own. “Remind me again why you’re allowed to skip dinner.”

“I have standing permission to eat down here,” Kurgm said, “and Master Kaernin granted Aonva permission to be here.”

“We’re not skipping dinner,” Aonva added in her usual panic when the idea of breaking the rules came up. “We’re still eating, we just do it down here. And like Kurgm said, we have permission.”

Roshil had asked Master Grund before about eating in the kitchens, but he refused to grant her permission. His concern was that she’d use it to skip dinner entirely and keep working in the forge like she’d done before she’d had friends.

“Dinner’s over, so we should get going,” Kurgm said.

“Do you want to go to the library?” Roshil asked, hoping her friends would want to spend some time with her.

“Kurgm and I are going to walk around the gardens before bed,” Aonva said. “Sorry.”

“Oh.”

The last time Roshil had tried going around the gardens with them, they’d learned that it was where many of the druids slept. Aonva had explained that they needed to be among nature to maintain their powers. That didn’t ease the discomfort Roshil had felt when many of them had glared at her and one of the younger druids had shouted at her (although “barked” was a more apt description).

“It’s fine.” Roshil turned and left.

I told you, Roshil. No one will ever love you.

“Roshil!”

She stopped near the entrance of the kitchens.

“What’s going on?” Aonva asked. “You can talk to me about it, whatever it is.”

Roshil fought back tears as she turned to face Aonva.

“Everyone’s got their own lives. I thought… I thought that maybe I could belong here. I thought for a second that maybe I could have friends, but you’re all so caught up in your own lives now that you’ve all forgotten about me.”

“No we haven’t. You can come eat with us, it’s okay.”

Roshil turned on her heel. “Master Grund won’t let me, and even if he did, I’d sit around and watch you two make eyes at each other. Sirshi only wants me around so long as I’m useful. And my brother’s new friends all think I’m a monster!”

“I’m not making eyes at Kurgm!” Aonva glanced over her shoulder and lowered her voice to a whisper. “I mean, I… I don’t know really, I sort of like him, but… that’s not the point!”

“No. The point is that everyone feels weird looking at me, and it’s only getting worse.”

“What’s this about? It can’t be about me and Kurgm! So what if I like him? That doesn’t mean we can’t be friends!”

“Don’t you get it?! He was right! No one will ever love me! So just leave me alone!”

“Kurgm never said—”

Roshil spun around and ran through the corridors. She felt people staring at her, but she blocked them out. She ran until she reached the entrance to her room. After she was safely inside, she collapsed on her bed and allowed the tears to flow.

No one will ever love you Roshil.

That voice. It was getting harder to ignore the memories. That creeping feeling that they were the same. She wanted it to go away again, like it had when she’d been with her friends before. She wanted things to go back to the way they’d been, but that wasn’t going to happen, so a new wish formed.

She wanted to sprout wings and fly away.

#VolumeTwo #FlyAway

Roshil woke up for the ceremony the next morning. She got dressed, but didn’t go to the temple. Instead, she went to the forge. When she stepped inside, the orbs of light around the room came to life. She walked to each furnace and turned it on. Fire burst forth inside each one. She walked into the back room where the equipment was stored and opened her locker. She pulled off her tunic and hung it up, then threw her apron over her undershirt, pulled on her gloves and goggles, and started working.

She was still hungry, but she could always tune out a stomachache. Eight years of foraging and stealing had helped her hone that ability. Even after almost six years in the court, she still wasn’t used to having food all the time.

Picking up her current project, she brought it over to one of the furnaces. It was a sword, plain and simple. She’d made several others just like it, but according to Master Grund, they were never right. She still had a ways to go before she was a master. Four more years, he’d told her.

It was Aonva’s birthday in a few months. Roshil wanted to make her something that would help her read books. Before she could start researching how to absorb information (if that was possible, mental spells were always tricky), Master Grund told her she wasn’t allowed to give another apprentice anything she knew was enchanted. Masters were, but not apprentices.

You can make something for yourself, but not without my express permission. Enchanting’s dangerous.

The idea had been something to help Aonva read books faster. She loved books more than anything, except maybe Kurgm. Roshil wasn’t stupid; she could see the way they looked at one another. It was the way she looked at Sirshi, the way she wanted Sirshi to look at her.

She realized that making something for Aonva wouldn’t change anything. That’s how people were. Thanks for helping me, Roshil, now go away.

The comforting sound of metal striking metal filled the forge. She could focus on her project and not care about anything else, at least until Master Grund got there.

She was sharpening the sword when he arrived a few hours later. He went up the ramps and called to her.

“When was the last time you ate?” he asked after she’d put down the sword.

“Dinner last night.”

“No, I watched you stare at your food the whole time. Before that.”

“I don’t remember. Yesterday, I think.”

“When yesterday?”

Her stomach was a lot like Master Grund. She couldn’t lie to either of them, and they both insisted that she get something to eat at regular intervals, but unlike her stomach, she couldn’t tune out Master Grund.

“Breakfast, I think.”

The worst part about having to stand at attention to her master was that she couldn’t avert her gaze. While the goggles did something to hide her face, she still got the sense that he could read her like a book. Not the boring kind either, the interesting kind, the kind that she didn’t put down until she was finished.

“Go to the kitchens, get something to eat, then go to class. You missing class because you didn’t watch the clock doesn’t reflect well on me.”

Roshil glanced at the clock. Sure enough, she had class in fifteen minutes. Arcane Language Studies. With Aonva.

“Yes, Master Grund.”

He picked up the sword and inspected it while she returned to the back room for her tunic. Other people started arriving at the forge, but by the time they got to the back room, she’d grabbed her tunic, belt, and pack and left.

She grabbed some dried fruit and water from the kitchens before class. She hated not being allowed to eat in the corridors. Last time she’d been caught doing it, it’d been by Master Ekla, who’d let her off with a warning. Specifically, “If you get caught, the punishment is cleaning the corridors by hand for a week.” After that, Roshil had been more careful not to get caught. But during the early morning rush there was no chance of getting away with it.

She sat down in her seat at the back of the classroom just as the chimes to start class sounded.

“Apprentice Roshil,” Master Dordir said, “so nice of you to join us today. Now we can begin our lesson.”

Master Dordir had written several words on the board, all of which Roshil recognized. As far as she knew, they were all ways of expressing affection for something.

“These words all mean ‘affection’,” Master Dordir said, “but it’s important not to confuse them. They each have nuances to them. You wouldn’t use shorarl except with your family and closest friends. While loeoa and raourl both mean affection, loeoa is closer to ‘fondness’, while raourl is closer to ‘obsession’. When crafting spells, it’s important to get the exact phrasing correct. Otherwise, the spell can have unintended side effects.”

Roshil drifted in and out of attention. They knew all of this. Why were they being lectured on it again? She paid attention when it sounded like Master Dordir would call on them, but all he did was assign them an essay on the importance of phrasing in spells. Artisans didn’t have to worry as much about phrasing, since they could work it all out before hand. The more she thought about it, she supposed mages could too. So why were they learning this?

Roshil stared out the window and watched the birds flying. Once again, she longed to fly away. To leave all her problems behind and never come back.

As her mind drifted in and out of class, she thought about Aonva again. Aonva was sitting next to her, but had long given up trying to get Roshil to pay attention in class. Despite her tendency to not pay attention, Arcane came easy to Roshil. Her mother had taught her a lot of words when she was younger, and Roshil still remembered a lot of those.

Aonva wrote down everything Master Dordir said so she’d be ready in case anything came up on a test. She was a much better student than Roshil.

Maybe if I try harder, she’d pay more attention to me.

That was a thought. Kurgm didn’t know much of the language because he was a knight. They only needed the basics. Maybe Roshil and Aonva could study together. They had for a while, but Roshil had never paid attention then either.

After class, she asked Aonva about it.

“You don’t like studying,” Aonva said. “We can, but… well, me and Kurgm—”

“Forget I asked.” Roshil stormed off back to the forge. She didn’t have class again for another hour, so that gave her time to be alone.

I wish I could enchant her to forget about him.

She dismissed the idea on the grounds that she didn’t know how to make it work. As she beat the metal into submission, another idea came to her. She might not be able to compete with her friends’ lives, but at least she could make sure they wouldn’t forget about her.

Thinking about it put Roshil in a better mood. It wouldn’t be too hard. And it wasn’t going to hurt anyone either. She finished the sword, then grabbed some scrap material and started planning.

#VolumeTwo #FlyAway

One week later, Roshil was sitting with Aonva at dinner and feeling much better for it. It was just the two of them, the way Roshil wanted it. Roshil smiled down at a gilded metal bracelet on her wrist.

Its twin sat on Aonva’s wrist. It was more or less simple. Roshil had worked out how the messenger spells worked — and learned about the identification orbs (she liked the word “bauble” better) in the process. The orbs allowed servants of the court to send messages to one another, greatly simplifying the process over having to recite the entire spell every time. What Roshil did was recreate the spell between two bracelets, but instead of her consciously sending a message to Aonva, the bracelet sent a preset message at a fixed interval, a single word: “Roshil”.

“I’m sorry,” Aonva said between bites of what little food she ate.

“For what?” Roshil replied with food in her mouth.

“Have… have I been ignoring you?”

Roshil hesitated, which in hindsight was a bad idea.

“It’s just that I feel like I’ve been spending all my time with Kurgm, and I really like spending time with him, but we used to spend so much time together, and I think I miss that. You’ve been on my mind all day. It’s like I can’t get your name out of my head. I think I feel bad after you made this beautiful bracelet for me.” She smiled at it. “It really was nice of you. And I’m starting to think maybe I’ve been ignoring you all this time, and I didn’t mean to ignore you, it just sort of happened, and now I feel awful, and I hope you’re not upset.”

“I’m fine now, really. You don’t have to worry anymore.”

For once, Roshil meant it. She had Aonva again. Even if Sirshi and Oshal ignored her, at least she still had one friend. Everything was fine.

Until they left dinner.

Kurgm was waiting outside the great hall. He frowned at them when he saw them.

“Aonva, weren’t we going to eat in the kitchens?” he asked.

“I wanted to eat with Roshil,” Aonva replied. “I’m sorry, I forgot to tell you. I really meant to, honest. I just… I don’t know, it slipped my mind.” She touched a hand to her head. “I feel strange.”

Kurgm took a step toward her.

“Maybe someone should look at you.”

“I’m fine.” She backed away from him and closer to Roshil. “I want to stay with Roshil.”

Roshil got a bad feeling. She looked down at her own bracelet. It couldn’t be the bracelet giving her a headache, could it? No, it couldn’t have been. Her enchantment was perfect.

Aonva looked at her and her face lit up. She was so happy to see Roshil. It filled Roshil with a familiar warmth, but it was quickly overshadowed by panic. She’d gone over the enchantment hundreds of times, but it was simple. She hadn’t confused any words like Master Dordir had warned her about doing. All it was supposed to be doing was sending her name to Aonva.

“Is something wrong?” Kurgm asked, adjusting his glasses.

“I’m fine,” Aonva said again. “I want to spend time with Roshil for a change.”

Kurgm frowned at them both. He knew something was going on.

Aonva touched her head again. It was getting worse. Roshil began to panic. This was the bracelet, she was sure of it. She grabbed Aonva’s hand and led her away from the crowd of apprentices heading toward their rooms.

“What’s going on?” Kurgm asked, staying with them.

“It’s just a headache,” Aonva said. “You two don’t need to panic.”

Roshil glanced back at Kurgm. If she took the bracelet off now, he’d figure it out. She could explain it to Aonva, and maybe she’d understand. But Kurgm wouldn’t.

Aonva pulled her hand away from Roshil. “Roshil, I’m fine. Really.” She winced and held her head again.

Roshil realized she didn’t have a choice. She took a step toward Aonva. “Aonva, I need to see your bracelet.”

“What for?” Aonva put her hand over the bracelet. “There’s nothing wrong with it. It’s perfect.” She smiled at Roshil.

Her smile made Roshil feel worse. She wanted to fly away and never return.

Kurgm’s eyes darted between Roshil and Aonva. “Roshil… What did you do?”

Roshil wanted to tell him that she hadn’t done anything, but the words wouldn’t come out. She looked down at her own bracelet. She didn’t know what would happen if she took it off. It could stop sending the message, or it could make it worse. She hadn’t accounted for that possibility. It was foolish now that she thought about it. They’d have to take off the bracelets when they went to sleep.

Her mind raced out of control. She felt like she was suffocating.

“Roshil!” Kurgm said. “What’s wrong with Aonva?”

“Nothing’s wrong with me,” Aonva said. “It’s just a headache. You’re both overreacting.”

“I… I made a mistake. I enchanted the bracelets. You’ve got to let me take yours off.”

“You did what?” Kurgm roared.

Aonva closed her eyes and held her head. She backed into the wall, and tears trickled down her face.

“My head,” she groaned.

Kurgm rushed over to her, but she stepped toward Roshil. He glared at her.

“This wasn’t supposed to happen,” Roshil said. “I didn’t mean—”

“What, to enchant her?” He looked back at Aonva. “How do you take it off?”

“There’s a clasp,” she said, stepping toward Aonva.

Aonva backed away from both of them, but stumbled and fell.

Roshil rushed over to her and grabbed her wrist. Aonva struggled, but she didn’t have the energy left to stop Roshil from undoing the clasp on the bracelet.

Aonva gasped for air as Kurgm ran over to her and hugged her.

Tears fell from Roshil’s eyes.

“I’m sorry,” she said.

Roshil reached for Aonva, but Kurgm slapped her hand away. He wrapped his arms around Aonva and helped her to her feet.

“Don’t come near her again!” he shouted.

Kurgm led Aonva away. She didn’t look back at Roshil.

Roshil watched them leave. Then she closed her eyes, spread her wings, and flew away.

#VolumeTwo #FlyAway

Roshil didn’t sleep that night. As soon as curfew ended, she went straight to the forge. She let herself into Master Grund’s office and waited there for him. She didn’t care if she got into more trouble.

When Master Grund got there, he looked at her with faked confusion.

“Strange. I thought I locked that door, and I don’t remember you having a key.”

She put the bracelets on his desk. Then she told him what she’d done.

When she’d finished, there was silence. Gut wrenching silence. She still felt sick. She’d lost her best friend, and in all likelihood, she was about to lose her apprenticeship.

“Do you feel small right now?” Master Grund’s voice was level, calm, but carefully so. She’d almost have preferred yelling.

Roshil nodded.

“Foolish? Insignificant?”

Again, she nodded, trying and failing to stop her tears. She could almost feel the wings on her back carrying her away.

“Then I suppose I don’t need to yell at you. To lecture you about what you did. Despite my explicit orders to the contrary. To explain why it was stupid of you to not only break the rules of the castle, but to disobey me.”

“Is my apprenticeship over?”

Master Grund didn’t say anything. He glared at her, making her feel even more small and foolish than she already did. She wanted to beg for forgiveness, but it wouldn’t do her any good. She’d hurt Aonva while disobeying Master Grund. Two of the most important people in her life, and the others would be disappointed in her.

“No. But I’m revoking your free reign privileges.”

“My what?”

“Didn’t know about free reign privileges? Without them, it’s a bit like being grounded. You no longer have free time. You will do what I say when I say it. You are not to use the furnaces unsupervised. You will go right from your room to the places I say. You will not dawdle. You will allow yourself to be supervised by myself or another master at all times. Is that understood?”

“Yes, Master Grund.”

“If you need the library, the librarian will watch you. If you need the bathroom, someone will walk with you. If you want to go to temple, Master Moudren or one of her people — not Apprentice Sirshi — will keep you under supervision. You will stay in class until I come to fetch you. Getting the idea?”

“Yes, Master Grund.”

She kept her head bowed. She was glad for it; she didn’t want to see his face. The silence he let reign over them was unbearable.

“Do you know how apprentices are chosen?”

“I applied, then… um… not really, Master Grund.”

“The family applies, choosing a specific specialization, by the child’s 12th birthday. The officer for that specialization reviews the application and meets with the applicant, more than once if necessary. If the child is deemed acceptable — if the officer believes that they are capable of living in service of the court — then the council votes on it. In most cases, that’s a formality. The council rarely votes against an applicant, but sometimes, there’s a problem. Sometimes, the council ends up split. In rare cases, His Majesty has to break a tie among the officers.”

Roshil had a sense of where this was going, but she didn’t dare interrupt.

“Three of us in favor, three of us against. That was your situation. I argued in favor of letting you in. I stuck my neck out for you, I fought for you, and this…” He stopped talking for a moment when his voice rose. “His Majesty gave you his trust. This court gave you its trust. I gave you my trust. And you repaid that trust by enchanting another apprentice. Now, you’re out of favors. I will not defend you again against anyone in this court. So if you slip up again, then your apprenticeship will be over. And that’s the way it’s going to be until I feel you’ve been redeemed. Understood?”

“Yes, Master Grund.”

Roshil’s voice was barely a whisper. She felt nothing except shame.

“What was that?”

“Yes, Master Grund!” She jumped to attention and faced him.

“Good.” He held out his hand. “Lock picks.”

She reached into one of her pouches, took out the lock pick set, and handed it to him. He stowed them in a pouch of his own, then held out his hand again.

“Identification orb.”

She pulled out the small bauble from another pouch and handed it to him.

He took out his own orb and held it to hers. He muttered something she couldn’t hear, then handed it back to her.

“This will notify me if you’re ever away from a master. When that happens, you have exactly ten seconds to fix that before I arrive and drag you out of this castle. This applies to everywhere within the court that isn’t your room. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Master Grund.”

“If you ever feel that this punishment is too harsh, if you ever feel that you aren’t cut out to serve the court and every single living thing in it, if you feel that you can’t put aside your own wants for the good of the people, then you know how to leave. But until then, get back to work.”

Master Grund pointed to the door, and she walked through it. The forge looked different now. It wasn’t her haven of safety, her wonderland of possibilities. It was her prison. She was chained to it. But when she thought of Aonva, she knew she deserved this. She’d hurt her best friend, all because she thought she was losing her friends. Now she really had lost her friends, and it was all her fault. Whatever punishment she got, she’d earned it.

No one will ever love you.

The dragon had been right. No matter how hard Roshil tried, no one would love her, and there was nothing she could do about it.

“Next lesson,” Master Grund said, holding up the bracelets. “Safely disposing of enchanted items. It’s not safe to melt them down, because we don’t know what idiot enchanted them, nor what side effects they might produce that said idiot didn’t think about when she enchanted them. So first, you have to remove the enchantment. Pay attention.”

And for once she did.

#VolumeTwo #FlyAway