Knowing What to Say, Part IV
Nourd couldn’t focus on anything else other than sharing his poem with Oshal. He kept looking down at what Anej had written. It’d taken them another few hours to figure out something for Oshal.
What Apprentice Oshal needs right now is hope, Master Gorkle had said, so why not write it about hope?
Nourd liked that word. Hope. It sounded a little funny, but it was still such a big word for one so small. Anej had asked him what it made him think of, and the two of them had worked from there. He was proud of what they’d written, and both Master Gorkle and Anej had insisted that Oshal would like it. Still, he felt like a squirrel trying to gather food, knowing predators were lurking.
“Do you know why Lord Grund asked us all to leave?” Master Gorkle asked.
They were sitting in the gardens. They were going to meet with Apprentice Oshal and Lady Durwey soon. In Nourd’s opinion, it wasn’t soon enough. He wanted to see Oshal more than anything.
“No,” Nourd replied.
“If we’d stayed there, we’d all be worried about Apprentice Roshil. He wanted us to leave so we could get our minds off her. The same thing is happening to you and Apprentice Oshal. We need to find you something to do while we wait for them to be ready.”
Nourd didn’t want to do anything else. He wanted to see Oshal. What was taking them so long? Why had they not contacted Master Gorkle yet?
The other prevailing thought in his mind was Anej’s question. Did he want to be Oshal’s mate? The more he thought about it, the more he liked the idea. He wanted to be around Oshal all the time. To always be close to him. New thoughts had been surfacing, too. Ones he hadn’t had before about anyone.
Master Gorkle frowned at him. Hir nose twitched slightly.
“Don’t bring up what Apprentice Anej said about wanting to be Oshal’s mate. I can smell the question on you, and I know you want to talk to him about it, but now isn’t a good time. We have things to discuss later, some of which might make you uncomfortable. Please don’t say anything to him until we talk about it.”
“Why can’t I say anything? I want to be Oshal’s mate. I want him to be mine.”
“I know, but it’s more complicated than that. His sister’s in the hospital. He probably isn’t thinking straight right now, so it’s best to let him be. Please, Apprentice Nourd, do not say anything about it yet.”
Nourd still didn’t understand. There was so much he couldn’t understand anymore. Why had Roshil tried to kill herself? Why would that affect Oshal so much that Nourd couldn’t tell him how he felt? He’d always been able to tell Oshal anything, even things that other people didn’t understand. What was different about this?
“Think of it this way. If a hunter had tried to kill one of Elder Wolf’s pups, and they’d gotten away, would you be able to think of anything else?”
Nourd closed his eyes and tried to imagine it. One of the pups bleeding on the forest floor, a wound in their side. Elder Wolf wouldn’t have rested until she’d tracked down the hunter and made them pay. Nourd wouldn’t be able to talk to her about anything until she’d exacted justice.
“I think trying to talk to Elder Wolf would be bad idea.”
“Exactly. Well, Apprentice Roshil’s attempted murderer was herself. Until she can be talked down and helped to recover, Apprentice Oshal will think of little else. Asking another person to be your mate is a big deal among humans. You may also have certain expectations we’ll need to discuss later. It’s complicated, as is anything that involves more than one person’s emotions, so please, say nothing about it to Apprentice Oshal until after things have calmed down.”
Nourd didn’t like it, but he had to agree with Master Gorkle. The world didn’t make sense to him, but it made sense to hir, so Nourd had to listen.
“They’re on their way.”
Nourd couldn’t sit still until Oshal arrived. He felt like a squirrel looking out for predators, but the predator wasn’t there to kill him, it was there to help him. Emotions were weird.
The moment Oshal entered their area of the gardens, Nourd could smell the misery on him. Oshal’s usual cheerful demeanor was missing, and it brought Nourd down too.
“Hello, Nourd. Grand Master Gorkle.”
Oshal bowed to Master Gorkle, then sat down next to Nourd.
“How are you feeling?” Master Gorkle asked.
“I’m okay,” Oshal said, smiling. It wasn’t his usual smile; it was too small, and it didn’t last long. “Still… processing, I guess. I’m sorry I’m being so down.”
“I am happy to see you!” Nourd said, hoping something would cheer up Oshal.
“I’m happy to see you too,” Oshal said, although his body was giving off a not-happy smell.
“I wrote something,” Nourd said, taking out the piece of paper he and Anej had worked on. “Apprentice Anej helped.”
“How is she doing? Is she back?” Oshal asked.
“They are,” Master Gorkle said. “Their ceremony to move to master priest is later today.”
“That’s good.”
“May I please read what I wrote?” Nourd asked.
“Okay.”
While Nourd had memorized most of the poem, the paper still didn’t hurt to have. He began to read.
You cannot always see tomorrow’s light Sometimes, it is hidden away from sight Although this journey is your own You do not have to walk in the dark alone We can walk together, and you will see That your fear and uncertainty Are smaller than they seem in the dawn’s sparkling gleam
Oshal stared at him with his sightless face. The silence stretched on, and it started to worry Nourd. Had he done something wrong?
“Apprentice Anej helped me with the words, especially the words that rhyme. Poetry is hard sometimes.”
“I love it,” Oshal said. “You… you wrote all of that for me?”
“I cannot understand how scared you are, or what your sister did, but I do not want you to lose hope. I am certain that she will be okay. Because you are my favorite human, and I never want bad things to happen to you again.”
Tears streamed down Oshal’s face, but he didn’t smell any more sad than he had when he’d arrived. Instead, he smelled full of joy, happier than Nourd had ever smelled or seen him before.
“Thank you so much. Is it okay if I hug you?”
“Yes! Always!”
Nourd leaned in and put his arms around Oshal. He felt like a bird, soaring through the sky. He wanted to stay like that with Oshal forever, but eventually they had to pull apart.
“Can we sit and talk for a while?” Oshal asked.
“Of course! I enjoy talking to you!”
Oshal wiped tears from his face. “Me too.”
Nourd was thrilled. He hadn’t said anything wrong. He’d made things better. He’d made Oshal better. He still wanted to be Oshal’s mate, but Master Gorkle was right. That could wait. In that moment, he was happy enough to be with Oshal, smiling and happy.