Volume Three Epilogue: A Bad Day
Grund sat in his chambers, staring at the fireplace. An untouched drink sat on a table beside him. He reached for it again, then decided he wasn’t that thirsty.
You should drink something. You need to keep up your strength to deal with stupid people.
He could still hear Pwurmn’s voice telling him how to take care of himself. Unlike when he could really hear it, it didn’t make him smile anymore.
It’s okay to have bad days. What are you going to do tomorrow?
“Don’t know yet. I might teach Apprentice Roshil how to enchant something. We’ll start small and work slow, so she doesn’t get too far ahead.”
She really likes working. She’s good at it, too.
He could hear the smile in Pwurmn’s voice. That smile that told him tomorrow would be better. How could it be better anymore?
“The girl only does five things: eat, sleep, work, class, and anything to do with Apprentice Aonva.”
Do you think she likes her?
“Can’t tell. She doesn’t bring her gifts or do chores for her like she did with Apprentice Sirshi. But she tries to spend as much time with her as possible, although she might just need a friend.”
You need friends too, you know.
For a moment, Pwurmn stood over him, his hands on his hips, frowning at Grund. Pwurmn never stood over him unless he was trying to make a point, or lecture Grund on how stupid he’d been. Grund had hated it at first, until he realized that Pwurmn only did that because he cared so much. No one had ever cared about him that much.
“I’m fine.”
Liar.
Shadows danced around the room, cast from the dying fireplace. Grund knew it needed to be fed, but he didn’t have the energy to move. He didn’t have the energy to do anything.
“I’m fine,” he repeated, knowing it was a lie. He hadn’t been “fine” in years. It didn’t matter. Words like “fine” and “okay” were all subjective. He was alive. That was fine enough.
What would you tell Apprentice Roshil if you found her like this?
“I did find her like this. Every day after the incident with the bracelet. And there are plenty of times I find her like this now. She still remembers what that thing did to her. That thing that’s still out there.”
Is that why you took her as an apprentice? You understood her?
Grund felt Pwurmn’s gaze on him. Those eyes that saw through him. Pwurmn always knew what Grund was thinking and feeling.
“I know what it’s like for people to look at you and only see one part of you. They don’t care what’s on the inside, only what’s on the outside.”
Not everyone’s like that.
There was that smile. That goofy smile that Pwurmn thought was sweet, but it looked ridiculous. The way it stretched too far for his face, the way he scrunched his eyes too tightly. Grund missed that smile more than anything.
“No. Some people are too naive to know to hate people.”
That sounded like a complement.
Grund wanted to stop the conversation. It was only making him feel worse. But how could he stop it? Pwurmn wasn’t really there.
No, he didn’t want to stop it. He wanted to have it. If Pwurmn were there, Grund would’ve listened to him forever. It didn’t matter what it was about.
You should visit Daylarl soon. He’d enjoy the company.
Looking at Daylarl when his children weren’t around was like looking at a mirror. That man lived for the moments with his children. Without them, he was exhausted, like Grund was. At least Daylarl had something to which he could look forward.
“If he sees me without Apprentice Roshil, it’ll make it worse. Which, of course, is your point. I should visit him with Apprentice Roshil.”
They’d both enjoy it. So would you.
“She’s my apprentice, not my friend.”
You say that, but you care about her more than almost anyone. You care about her more than you do most of the officers.
“Gorkle wants her dead.”
You know that’s not true.
“Durwey doesn’t open up to people after her last apprentice. Runslo doesn’t make sense half the time.”
She’s enjoying life.
“Which is what you said when she was applying. Velal’s usually busy, and Emgard’s spending more time with Apprentice Aonva. Don’t know why she hasn’t just adopted her yet. Besides, you know I don’t get along with people.”
You get along with me. And with Apprentice Roshil.
Grund opened his mouth to argue, but closed it again. He hated saying it out loud.
Except that I’m dead. I died almost 14 years ago.
Without anyone else to glare at, Grund glared at the fireplace.
You have to remember that. I’m gone, Grund. You have to move on.
He watched the flames crackle. His body felt heavier than it had all night.
“I’ll take Apprentice Roshil to visit Daylarl tomorrow. I’ll ask him about his current job for the court.”
Do you remember what his current job is?
“I gave it to him.”
Doesn’t mean you remember it.
There was the singsong voice Pwurmn used when he would tease Grund.
“I remember it,” Grund snapped. He sighed, then downed the drink next to him. After cleaning and putting away the glass, he wheeled himself to his room.
“Can’t let me lie to myself, can you?” he asked the picture of Pwurmn next to his bed.
Never. I’m glad you have plans for tomorrow.
“I’m sure I’ll change my mind in the morning.” Grund changed his clothes, then activated the spell on his chair that moved him into bed. While it hadn’t been Pwurmn’s idea, he’d made it so Pwurmn wouldn’t have to see him dragging himself into bed every night.
I would’ve helped.
“I know.”
I love you no matter how ridiculous you look.
Grund stared at the ceiling, then barked the order for the lights to go out. The fire slowly died down to embers, casting a glow about the room. By the last of the light, he could make out the picture of Pwurmn.
“Good night, Pwurmn. I love you.”
I love you too, Grund. I’ll see you in the morning.
Grund closed his eyes. Maybe tomorrow would be a better day. Even if it wasn’t, at least Roshil would be happy.