Skwyr Court

Grund opened the door slowly and let himself inside Roshil’s room. The girl was curled up on her bed, staring at the wall.

“Hello,” he said.

He had no idea what else to say. What would Pwurmn have said? He had always known just what to say to make things better. Or Enrakal. She always knew what to do.

It’s okay to be sad. The person you loved most in the world is gone. If you don’t let yourself feel that pain, it will consume you.

“I’m sorry,” she said.

“About what?”

“I can’t be an apprentice anymore. I failed. I’m sorry.”

“Ha! You think I’m gonna let you get out of work because you’ve got some scales on your face?”

She rolled over. Just like when he and Aonva had found her, the scales were on her cheek. He thought he saw another cluster growing closer to her eyes.

“What happens when they see my face?” she asked. “I’ll be a monster. I can’t serve anyone. I let everyone down. You. My father. Aonva. Oshal.” Tears trickled down her face. “My mother.”

He wheeled himself closer to her bed. He noticed that she’d gotten thinner. It was as if the life had drained out of her.

“Have you been eating?” he asked.

“They got me to eat some bread and water,” she replied, still staring into space. “They said I should eat something. I haven’t been hungry.”

“I wasn’t hungry for a month after Pwurmn died.”

He stared into space, thinking of Pwurmn. All the times that Grund had wanted to give up on life, to give up on being a master artisan, Pwurmn had been there to help him. To make sure he’d had enough to eat. To remind him that there was something good coming just around the corner. That life was never going to beat them.

“I used to look like my mother,” Roshil said. “I had her eyes before… I didn’t. I wanted to be just like her. Even if I mostly took after my father. Everybody loved them. I wanted…” Tears trickled down her face. “I wanted them to love me too. Even before this, I was different. I was an outcast. It was Oshal that was always there for me, and my parents. The other adults liked me. They taught me all sorts of things. But the children… they’ve always treated me different unless Oshal was around to stand up for me.”

Grund knew the feeling all too well. The questions he’d gotten about his legs, or the questions children had asked as if he couldn’t hear them. “Why don’t his legs work?” “What’s wrong with him?” “How do other parts work?” “Can he use the bathroom?”

“Children can be cruel,” he said. He nodded toward the door. “You’ve got good friends now, though. Aonva’s spent all her free time in the waiting room outside. Brings books with her. Everyone loves the system you two set up in the library. Much easier to find books now.” He grinned at her. “My favorite part is the cabinet. Some beautiful work by a talented apprentice.”

He knew there was no way to cheer her up when she was like this, but he did see a forced half smile from her. It was something, at least. If nothing else, it meant he hadn’t made it worse.

“How’s Oshal doing?” she asked. “And father?”

“They’re surviving. They’ve been better, of course, but they’re surviving. Nourd’s spending more time with your brother to keep him company. And distracted. I’ve been checking in on your father. Rotating with Lady Emgard and Lord Velal.” He stared into those golden eyes of hers. “I tried to kill myself once, so I know it doesn’t happen only because of one bad day. This has been building for months, hasn’t it?”

Roshil averted her eyes, then nodded.

“The scales have been spreading out. I… I knew they’d be visible eventually. I knew once that happened, people would look at me like a freak. More than they already do. I realized I couldn’t do anything with them like that. With my eyes. What happens when they’re everywhere? What happens if I turn into a dragon? I’ll never be anything more than a monster. I want to help people like my mother, but I can’t. I’ll never be like her.”

“In one year, you’re going to start your fifth-year assignment. You, me, Master Kaernin, and Aonva are going to stay at some remote town in the kingdom for a year, and you two are going to construct her staff. That’s going to happen. Then the two of you will become masters, live here, and work directly under me and Lady Emgard. That’s going to happen too. And you are going to be okay. Know how I know that?”

Roshil shook her head. Something in her eyes, some small spark, told him he was getting through to her.

“Because not once this week have Apprentice Nourd nor Grand Master Gorkle said the phrase ‘Maybe she’d be better off dead’. They’ve warmed up to you, and the two of them have more of nature’s sparkling goodness or whatever than anyone else. If they can see past your outside, then anyone can, given enough time. One day, people will accept people like us. Until then, you’ve got some good people looking out for you. And me, I’m looking out for you too.”

More tears ran down her face, but she smiled at him. He’d somehow managed to find the right thing to say.

“Thank you,” she said. “I… I’m glad you’re my master.”

He wiped a tear from her face, which was immediately replaced by another.

“I couldn’t have asked for a better apprentice.”

“I’m… I’m sorry about your husband. He sounds really nice when you talk about him.”

“He was. He would’ve loved you. Probably given that stupid grin of his and said how much he loved your eyes. His memory’s all I’ve got left of him. Just like you and your mother. We’ve got to do them proud, right?”

For the first time since he’d came in, Roshil sat up. She sniffled and wiped away her tears.

“Yeah. You’re right.”

Grund smiled at her.

“Good.” He wheeled his chair around and started for the door. “I expect to see you back soon. You’ll have a few weeks of work to make up.”

“I’ll get better,” Roshil said. “I promise.”

“I know. You’ve got a few more visitors. You up for talking to another person?”

Roshil averted her eyes.

“Is… is Aonva still out there?”

“I’ll send her in.”

Grund left her room to a crowded waiting room. Aonva, Oshal, Nourd, a temporarily excused Sirshi and Kurgm, Daylarl, Ekla, Moudren, Kaernin, and the entire council, King Fohra included, watched him silently. For a moment, he was tempted to ignore them and leave, but he figured he should probably say something.

“How is she?” King Fohra asked.

“She’ll be fine.” He pointed to Aonva, then at the room. “You. Apprentice Aonva. She wants to talk to you.”

Aonva jumped in her seat and squeaked.

That’s a little adorable.

“Me?”

“You,” he said, pointing at Daylarl, “are still a mess, not a good idea to send you in. And you,” he pointed at Oshal, “who can’t see me pointing at him, will understand that she needs a friend right now.”

“Of course,” Oshal said, smiling. “If I go in there, I might cry, and I think that would upset her.”

“Glad we’re in agreement.”

“But she is okay, My Lord?” Ekla asked.

He glanced back at Roshil’s room just as Aonva entered it and closed the door.

“Yeah.” He smiled, but kept his face away from them so they wouldn’t see. “She’ll be okay.”

#VolumeFour