Managing Anger, Part IV
The next day, Sirshi returned to the Temple of the Rising Sun. She didn’t know when to arrive, so she got there before the sun was up. She was tired and wished she could’ve gotten something to eat before arriving. She walked through the main chamber and into Master Moudren’s chambers.
“Good morning, Apprentice Sirshi.”
Master Moudren, seated at her desk, greeted her with a smile. Master Daktra looked as thrilled to be there as Sirshi was. He stood off to the side, arms folded.
Sirshi stood at attention. It made her nervous to think that they appeared to have been waiting for her.
“We’re glad you arrived early,” Moudren said. Her voice was calm and cheerful, no different than any other time of day. How could she be happy all the time? “I wanted you to tell me what happened two days ago.”
Sirshi frowned at Daktra. Hadn’t he already told Master Moudren?
“I… I got angry, and I broke the statue in the Meditation Room.” She bowed her head. “I’m very sorry. I can understand if you don’t want me to be in the temple anymore.”
“I don’t think we need to go that far,” Master Moudren said. “One mustn’t punish the sun for setting early because it’s cold outside. What made you so upset?”
“My half-sister, Master Ekla.”
“Is she likely to do so again?”
Sirshi wanted to say no, but she knew that was a lie. Being around Ekla, hearing her voice, seeing that condescending look she always had drove her mad.
“It’s hard to be around her without getting angry. And I think I’m friends with her apprentice.”
“You don’t know if he’s her apprentice,” Master Daktra said, “or you don’t know if you’re friends?”
“I’ve… never really had friends before. But Roshil’s a lot like me, and she spends time with Kurgm and Aonva, so… I guess?”
“It would be a problem if this happened again,” Master Moudren said. “But avoiding your sister would be unrealistic.”
I’ve been doing it for almost a year and a half. But things are different now.
Despite everything, the thought of Roshil made her smile. Just someone else that didn’t seem to fit in or had a “bad attitude”.
“I’d like to work with you on managing this,” Master Moudren said. “If you can stay calm enough around your sister, then I believe our problem will be solved. We will still have to discuss the Flower Blooming Ceremony, but I’ll leave the position open.”
Sirshi opened her mouth to correct her to “half-sister”, but closed it, realizing she was being given a second chance. Arguing with Master Moudren would do her no good.
“Thank you, Master Moudren.”
“Think nothing of it. Just because the sun burns hot, doesn’t mean it can’t also burn bright. This will mean I will take over your apprenticeship from Master Daktra. Is that acceptable?”
Sirshi exchanged glances with Master Daktra. They had both known this was likely to happen. Master Daktra wasn’t a priest of Olmgra, which is what Sirshi had always wanted to be. Once her rotation ended, they’d be separated.
Daktra nodded at her.
“That’s fine,” Sirshi said, returning her focus to Master Moudren.
The way Master Moudren smiled at her made her feel that she’d made the right decision. She’d always liked Master Moudren. She was never upset at her or disappointed in her.
“That will be all. Please get something to eat before this morning’s ceremony.”
When Sirshi walked into the main chamber, people were already arriving for the Sun Welcoming Ceremony. That meant she didn’t have a lot of time to get something to eat before starting. She made her way to the castle exit, when someone called her name.
“Good to see you back, Apprentice Sirshi,” a woman Sirshi didn’t know said. Sirshi was sure the woman had been there before. She must’ve been almost as old as Lady Emgard. “Master Moudren said you were sick. Poor dear. Are you feeling better?”
“Much better,” she said, with a slight bow of courtesy to hide her impatience. “Thank you. May Olmgra smile upon you.”
“Thank you so much, dear. You too.”
Sirshi made her way out into the castle, where she found someone else waiting for her.
“Good morning.” Roshil held out a pouch of granola. “Master Grund said you’d be hungry.”
“How… why?”
“I think he knows everything.” Roshil glanced around as though someone were watching. She lowered her voice. “I think he can hear everything in the castle.”
Even if that were true, which Sirshi was sure it wasn’t, why would he spend time looking after Sirshi? Did Master Moudren send word to him to send Roshil? Why them?
“Master Moudren probably told him,” Sirshi said, taking the bag and putting a piece in her mouth. It was dry, and tasted only faintly of fruit, but it was food, and Sirshi couldn’t remember the last time she’d been so hungry.
“Yeah,” Roshil scoffed. “That’s just as exciting.”
Sirshi swallowed the dry food. “Did you bring something to drink?”
Roshil handed her a pouch of water, which she gladly excepted.
“Did they kick you out?” Roshil asked.
“What? No, of course not. I mean… I thought they were going to, but Master Moudren said I have to work on managing my anger with her from now on.”
“That’s nothing. People are always telling me I have to manage my anger. ‘Roshil, it’s not polite to growl at people.’ ‘Roshil, we don’t shove people into furnaces.’ ‘I don’t care what your father said, breaking and entering is against the rules.’”
Sirshi stared at her. The idea that this was how Ekla felt talking to her flickered into her mind for the briefest moment. It was replaced by the memory of talking to Daylarl. Nothing about him had made him seem like the kind of person that would approve of breaking and entering. Maybe that was the point.
“That’s good that you’re still here,” Roshil said, ignoring Sirshi’s stare. “What about your flower thing?”
“The Flower Blooming Ceremony? Master Moudren said she’d have to think about it. Only if she feels that I’m ready for it.” She took another drink of water. “Your father seemed nice.”
“He is!” Roshil jumped as she spoke. “We moved here over five years ago, but he made friends right away. He and Oshal are good at that. Especially since…” She ruffled her hair, and her enthusiasm drained away. “I’m here.”
“I’ve been wondering… why is your hair like that? And… your eyes.” Sirshi glanced at Roshil’s eyes, but had to look away. There was something unnatural about them, something Sirshi couldn’t place. Looking at them felt… wrong. A slow, creeping feeling in the back of her mind that said nothing was ever supposed to look like that.
“I was cursed,” Roshil said. “And… I don’t like talking about it.”
Sirshi still had a lot of questions. Who or what cursed her? When had it happened? Roshil must’ve talked to Lord Grund about it, so there was probably nothing the Court could do about it.
She couldn’t imagine being like that. Cursed forever, with no way to reverse it.
Why would Olmgra allow someone to be cursed like that?
Sirshi knew Olmgra, like most deities, didn’t tend to humanity like a shepherd tended her flock. As Master Daktra had taught her, “If they did everything for us, we’d never learn to do it ourselves.” Deities weren’t a crutch, they were a helping, guiding hand. Still, it was hard to hold onto hope knowing something like what happened to Roshil could happen to anyone.
Make today a bright day.
She smiled at Roshil. She didn’t want to pity her; Sirshi hated it when people pitied her. She only wanted to see Roshil smile back. And that she did.
“Make today a bright day,” Sirshi said.
“Like fireworks,” Roshil replied.
Sirshi laughed, then started coughing as she choked on her water.
“Are you okay? Did you stop breathing? That’s important, you shouldn’t do that.”
“I’m fine,” Sirshi said, her voice hoarse. “Really. Just inhaled some water.”
Sirshi cleared her throat a few times after she stopped coughing. She glanced at the temple entrance, then realized that she probably needed to get her robes on before it got any later.
“I’d better go,” she said. She handed the empty pouches to Roshil. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome!” Roshil said in her too-loud voice. “If you’re still hungry after your ceremony thing, you can eat breakfast with us.”
“I’d like that,” Sirshi said.
Roshil grinned, then turned and left.
Sirshi watched her go, then turned back to the temple. She decided that if Roshil could keep smiling, she would too. She would make today a bright day.