Managing Anger, Part I
After the Sun Welcoming Ceremony, Sirshi followed Master Moudren to the room where they kept the robes. She pulled off her own and put it away, then started back to the main chamber.
“Apprentice Sirshi, a word.”
She turned around and stood at attention.
“Yes, Master Moudren?”
“We’re glad to have you back in the temple,” she said. “With your permission, I’d like to discuss making you a permanent acolyte with Master Daktra.”
“Yes, Master Moudren. This is where I want to be.”
Master Moudren smiled, bearing a striking resemblance to the Goddess Olmgra.
“I’m glad to hear it. May Olmgra bring you a bright future, Apprentice Sirshi.”
“And you as well, Master Moudren,” Sirshi said with a bow.
When she returned to the main chamber, she found Kurgm waiting for her. She’d barely spoken to him in two months, occasionally seeing him and his friends at meals.
“Good morning, Sirshi,” he said with a smile. “You’re back.”
“Yeah, I’m here for another month or so,” she said, choosing not to mention Master Moudren’s offer to stay. “That’s what happens. Priests are rotated around, but I can pick sometimes.”
She walked past him and out into the castle. She noticed two things at once. The first was that he was following her. The second was that someone was waiting for him.
When Sirshi saw Ekla, any good spirits that she might’ve been in vanished. Any hope of the Goddess after the ceremony was replaced with anger.
“What are you doing here?” she asked, trying to keep her voice down.
“Waiting for my apprentice,” Ekla replied. “Good morning to you too, Apprentice Sirshi.”
How was it that everything Ekla said made her angry? Why couldn’t she keep her mouth shut for once and leave Sirshi alone? Sirshi figured she’d spoken first, but Ekla didn’t need to make it worse.
“Oh, I’m sorry, Master Ekla. I’ll try harder to be perfect like you.”
Ekla closed her eyes.
Probably embarrassed to even be around me.
“Do you have to talk like that?” Ekla asked.
“This is the way I talk.”
“That doesn’t mean there can’t be something wrong with it.”
“And you’re always perfect? Talking down to everyone like you’re better than they are? I’d rather talk back to people than down to them!”
“Calm down.”
“Why? Too embarrassed to be around your loudmouthed half-sister?”
Ekla glared at her, and Sirshi knew she was getting somewhere. Good. Now Ekla had an idea of what it was like for Sirshi to spend time with her.
“Yes.”
Something about the look on Ekla’s face made Sirshi think she hadn’t meant to say it, but her anger grew all the same.
“Fine!”
“Sirshi, I—”
Ignoring her half-sister, Sirshi stormed back into the temple, pushing past Kurgm on her way. Every thought in her head dissolved in the scalding heat of her anger. She wanted to calm down, and the only place she could do that was the Meditation Room.
To her luck, it was empty. In all the time she’d spent in the temple, there were few times she’d ever found someone else in it. Any other day, she’d wonder why, but today, such a thought didn’t stand a chance.
Why does she have to be that way? In her head, her own voice was a roaring flame. She didn’t dare scream inside the Meditation Room. She could barely see straight. This was why she avoided Ekla. Why did Kurgm have to latch onto her? She didn’t want friends! She didn’t need friends! Sirshi was fine with just Sirshi. She didn’t need anyone else. Apart from Master Daktra, and maybe Master Moudren, everyone lectured her eventually, claiming superiority over her. She was sick of it. Why couldn’t everyone leave her alone?
Her head whipped around the small room. Her limbs shook. She held her head in her hands to try to stay calm, but she was losing the fight for control.
Sirshi knelt in front of the Calming Basin. She thrust her hands inside. They hit the edge of the basin. It overbalanced and flew into the air. Through the storm of rage, Sirshi saw it strike the statue’s hand. She heard a crack.
The statue’s hand fell to the floor and landed with a thump.
The haze fell away and shock replaced it. She couldn’t believe what she’d done. Why did this always happen to her? Ekla made her angry, she lashed out, then she got in trouble. Little Miss Perfect got away with it every time. Their parents had never once punished Ekla.
It’s fine, she thought as she picked up the basin and returned it to its place. Water was everywhere. She grabbed a towel and dried herself off. I’ll find Roshil. She’s an artisan, she can fix it. I’ll go to the forge, get her to come here, she’ll fix it, and nobody will know.
It was never that simple. Sirshi was reminded of this when she turned around and found Master Daktra standing in the doorway.
“I can explain,” Sirshi said. “I was—”
“Go to the forge and fetch Our Lord High Artisan,” Master Daktra said. He made little effort to hide his disappointment. “After he’s fixed this, we’ll talk about your assignment to this temple.”
Sirshi couldn’t move. She struggled to breathe. What did that mean?
“Master Moudren said she wanted to keep you here. That she’d selected you as an acolyte for the Flower Blooming Ceremony next month. But now I don’t expect she’ll stay with that decision. She may not stay with either one.”
Sirshi’s world began to crumble. The Flower Blooming Ceremony was only held once a year to usher in the warm season. Being an acolyte at the temple, the acolyte for the Flower Blooming Ceremony, were the two things she wanted more than anything. And she’d almost had them. Almost.
But that didn’t happen. Not to her. Sirshi never got anything she wanted unless she took it for herself.
Sirshi left the Meditation Room. She didn’t look Master Daktra in the eye as she passed. She couldn’t. This was the way things went for her. There was no use assuming anyone stood up for you, that’s what she’d learned. No one was on her side.