Making Friends, Part III
Aonva dragged herself to Master Kaernin after class. As always, she found him waiting for her in silence. He watched her as she entered, waiting for her to talk.
“Rule One,” she recited, “Command the effect with absolute desire in the arcane language. Rule Two: Absolute desire requires absolute understanding. Rule Three: Don’t waste words.”
She’d read plenty of books about magic before beginning her apprenticeship, but never had she read those rules before. She understood how magic was supposed to work, but every book seemed to take paragraphs to explain what Master Kaernin had explained in a few sentences.
He nodded, then motioned for her to join him on the floor. She sat down in front of him, then he spoke words in the arcane language.
Aonva struggled for a moment, but slowly translated it in her head. He repeated it again to help her while she worked through it. When she was finished, she repeated it back to him.
It was a spell to create a small ball of light in her hand. When she’d first started learning magic, she was surprised by how precise it was. In this case, the exact size of the ball of light was dictated. Without being specific, it was impossible to understand the spell, and anything could happen.
She closed her eyes and imagined absolute darkness. The words rang through her head. She concentrated on them, on the darkness, on how the light would look. She prepared to cast the spell.
Echos of Roshil’s screams cut through her thoughts. She spoke the words, but her focus was gone. A spark appeared in her hand, but vanished moments after it appeared.
“I’m sorry! I don’t know what happened! I was trying, then… I don’t know what happened!”
Master Kaernin stared at her, waiting for her to try again.
She calmed herself down, then closed her eyes again. Before she could start reciting the spell, Roshil’s screams broke out again. She couldn’t block it out, but she tried. The light flickered again, but weaker than before. She tried twice more before Master Kaernin stood up.
She followed him out of the room and through the castle. She’d learned to pick up nonverbal cues from Master Kaernin. If he stood up, she was expected to follow. She didn’t ask where they were going; she’d find out eventually.
Today, they walked to the gardens. Families from all over the city were there, it being one of the many public areas connected to the castle. Children ran through the flowers, laughing together.
Why is it so easy for other people?
Aonva thought of Roshil again. Her only friend, the friend she’d let down. Why could other people have friends? Why was it easy for them? What was wrong with her?
They sat down on a bench together. Aonva looked around, but all she saw were plants and people. Master Kaernin usually gave her some kind of assignment or some task. What was she supposed to be learning? Was he going to speak, or would today be one of the many days he said nothing to her?
Time passed, and still Master Kaernin said nothing to her. Children came and went, but then she caught sight of a familiar face. It was Master Ekla’s apprentice, whose name Aonva had already forgotten. He walked among the flowers, smiling as he looked them over.
Master Kaernin spoke a single word: “Wait”. Then he stood up and walked over to the boy. He placed his hand on the boy’s shoulder to get his attention. The boy stood at attention, then Master Kaernin nodded at Aonva.
Aonva’s mind began to race. What was going on? Why was Master Kaernin directing Master Ekla’s apprentice to her? Did he know about Roshil breaking into the west tower? Did he know about Roshil screaming in class? If he did, why was he directing the boy to talk to her?
Master Kaernin left the gardens, and the boy came over to talk to her.
“Hi,” he said.
“Hi,” Aonva said, hoping to dance around the fact that she’d forgotten his name.
He smiled sheepishly. “I’m sorry, I forgot your name.”
“That’s alright. I… I forgot yours too.”
His smile turned into a laugh, then he motioned to the bench.
“Is it alright if I join you?”
“Sure.”
“I’m Kurgm,” he said as he sat down.
“Aonva.”
“Nice to see you again. Before you ask, Master Ekla didn’t send me here to check on you. I spend most of my free time in the gardens.”
“It’s only Roshil that thinks she’s doing that.”
The mention of Roshil brought with it the memory of class. Roshil was sitting in the hospital, alone, and Aonva was sitting here wasting time.
What if I make it worse?
“What’s wrong?” Kurgm asked.
Aonva sat up, having sunk in her seat.
“What? Why… no, nothing’s wrong.”
“Sorry, only… you look like something’s bothering you. Like your mind’s somewhere else.” He frowned then looked around. “Where’s Roshil? Is that what’s bothering you?”
“Well, right now, I’m wondering why my master just left.”
Kurgm glanced at the entrance, then back to Aonva. “I… I don’t know, he didn’t say anything to me, just pointed me over to you. I guess he wants me to talk to you, but… I don’t know why. I mean… every time Master Ekla tells me to talk to someone, it’s because they need help. As a knight, I’m supposed to be able to help anyone in trouble, so when I’m directed to someone sitting alone, it’s because I’m supposed to help them. Except that… I’m not really that good at it.”
Thoughts of Roshil stuck in her head. No one could help her.
“I don’t think you can help me.”
“I might be able to if you tell me what’s bothering you.”
He watched her, waiting for her to say something. For once, Aonva wasn’t in the mood to talk.
“Alright, I’ll start. Master Ekla wasn’t following you today. I don’t think she’s following you at all, she’s just worried about Roshil. Today, though, I told her someone had broken into the west tower. She immediately assumed it was Roshil and ran to get there before anyone else knew about it. Luckily, we weren’t far.”
“What? How did you know?”
“There’s a spell on the door that alerts anyone in the castle that lives in the west tower when that door’s opened.”
Aonva sank in her seat again. She couldn’t believe it; every officer knew they’d broken in. No, he said he’d known “someone” had broken in, which meant they hadn’t know who it was. And how did he know at all? He didn’t live in the west tower, did he? He couldn’t, he wasn’t an officer, unless… was he family to one of the officers? She didn’t think any of them had family. Roshil had mentioned Lord Grund being married once, and she was pretty sure Lord Velal had a wife, but she didn’t think they had children. She’d always assumed the officers were too busy for families.
“How did you know about it?” she asked.
“I used to live in the west tower. They still let me go inside.”
“But—”
“Your turn. What’s bothering you?”
She knew when someone was dodging a question. She’d done it any time Roshil had asked about her parents. It was one more thing that kept them apart, that proved Aonva wasn’t a good friend. Even Roshil had mentioned something about her parents from time to time. She never mentioned her mother, but she talked about her father and brother often enough. As Aonva had learned today, her father could pick locks.
“Well… Roshil started screaming in class today. I don’t know exactly why, but I have an idea. We were copying down words in the arcane language, and she started screaming, shouting for everyone to stay away from her. And I… I froze. I couldn’t do anything! I just sat there, watching my only friend getting scared, and then they took her to the hospital, and I still didn’t do anything. I didn’t ask to go with her, I didn’t try to calm her down, I just sat and stared.”
By now, tears had formed in Aonva’s eyes. If dwelling on it had made it worse, reliving it was making it unbearable. Then finally, the thought she’d been having for an hour broke free and manifested into words.
“Maybe I’m not supposed to have friends.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Kurgm asked. “Everyone can have friends. I grew up in the castle, and even I had friends.”
Aonva buried her head in her hands. Kurgm was right; he wasn’t good at this. Now she was sure something was wrong with her.
“What I mean is… my parents weren’t there, so the servants looked after me. They’d let me into the kitchens after curfew, give me dessert early, or get me warmer blankets if I was cold.” A grin spread over his face. “We used to play hide-and-seek in the castle, but I was bad at it. I always chose the same few places.”
Aonva’s mind drifted back to Roshil as Kurgm spoke. The only friend she’d ever had, and she’d let her down.
“Maybe I shouldn’t have friends.”
Kurgm didn’t say anything for a moment. He shifted in his seat, fidgeted, but didn’t say anything. Then he opened his mouth.
“It’s never that simple. Just because you froze, it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have friends. You care about her still. That’s something. There’s a reason you froze.”
“Which is?”
“I don’t know, and it’s none of my business anyway. That’s for you to find out. But you’re not going to figure it out in one day. You may never know. But I know it’s not something simple, because things like that are never that simple.”
As Kurgm talked, his expression changed. The goofy smile slid into a frown. His gaze was distant. Aonva was sure he was remembering something.
“You’re better at this than you think,” Aonva said.
The goofy smile returned to Kurgm’s face.
“Am I? Someone should tell Master Ekla that.” He nodded toward the door back to the castle. “Go see Roshil. I’m sure she misses you too.”
“What if I make it worse?”
“Just being there will make her feel better. It’s what I’d want my friends to do.”
Aonva still didn’t have answers she wanted, but something told her Kurgm was right. Maybe she wouldn’t know. But one thing she did know, was that her friend was still all alone. Master Kaernin was gone, so she was free to do as she wanted. And she wanted to see Roshil.
“Thank you.” Aonva stood up. “Thank you for your help.”
Kurgm nodded toward the entrance to the gardens.
“Go on. She’s waiting.”
Aonva turned and left the gardens. She made her way through the castle. She was still scared, but there was every possibility that she could make it better.