Hope for the Future, Part IV
Five Years Ago
Sirshi ran through the streets of the court. She squeezed her eyes shut to stop the flow of tears, but nothing she did stopped them. It didn’t matter; no one could see her crying, so no one could tell her to stop it.
All you’ll ever be is an embarrassment to this family!
Sirshi didn’t know where she was going. Far away, where she could have another life, with a family that loved her. Did families love their children? Of course they did; hers loved Ekla. But not her. No one loved her. No one wanted her.
I’m sorry I was born!
So am I!
Her lungs were on fire, her feet were throbbing, and her throat was hoarse from choked back sobs. She tripped and fell. Stones scraped her knees and arms as she landed on the road. She struggled to her feet, then kept running. She wouldn’t stop, not until she was free.
Thunder rumbled overhead, and a sheet of rain dropped out of the sky. Sirshi ran toward the closest open building and took shelter inside.
She didn’t recognize where she was. A statue of a woman in a cloak smiled down on a large room with windows all along one wall. There were a few people inside, bowing to the statue. They hardly spared her a glance on their way out.
She smirked as she wandered farther inside. It was a temple. Her family wouldn’t dare follow her in here. She was safe.
“Are you lost?”
Sirshi spun around and saw the woman from the statue standing in the temple. No, not quite, this woman looked shorter. But her smile looked just like the statue’s. She didn’t smile like other adults. Something was different about her.
“You must be freezing,” the woman said. “I’ll fetch you a towel to get you dried off. Then we can take a look at those scrapes.”
The woman led Sirshi over to a supply closet and took out a towel.
“This should do.” She handed Sirshi the towel. “I’m Master Moudren. What’s your name?”
Present Day
Sirshi stood in Master Moudren’s office. Master Moudren herself was sitting quietly, waiting for something, although Sirshi didn’t know what. They’d been silent for almost five minutes. Sirshi knew that because she kept glancing at the clock.
“I spoke with Our Lady Grand Weaver and Master Ekla yesterday,” Master Moudren said at last. “Quite a few people seem to think something is bothering you.”
“I didn’t do anything!” Sirshi shouted. “My sister ambushed me on my way out of the library, and started interrogating me about my apprenticeship! If she has a problem with me, then—”
“I don’t think Master Ekla has a problem with you or your apprenticeship here, so I don’t want to hear about you lashing out at her.”
Sirshi knew by the look Master Moudren was giving her that she wouldn’t be allowed to speak until she’d calmed down, so she forced herself to relax.
“Is there something bothering you?”
Sirshi didn’t want to say anything, but Master Moudren was asking Sirshi’s opinion. She wasn’t assuming anything about her like Ekla did. Master Moudren cared what Sirshi thought.
“I want to be a priest. And I’m so tired of people telling me I can’t be one just because I don’t like being around people! So what? Maybe I’m not good with people! What difference does it make?”
“Apprentice Sirshi,” Master Moudren said, raising her voice to be heard over Sirshi’s rant. “Who is telling you that?”
“First, Kurgm asked me why I was an apprentice at all if I don’t like people, then my sister starts lecturing me and accusing me of only keeping my apprenticeship out of spite, and that’s not true! Just because I don’t know how to help people doesn’t mean I don’t deserve to be a priest! I can do this!”
Master Moudren waited for Sirshi to tire herself out and calm down. After a few minutes of reliving the last few days, Sirshi stopped shouting and calmed down. Even after she finished, Master Moudren remained silent for a few minutes.
“When Our Lady Exalted Priest met with you,” Master Moudren said at last, “she didn’t want to accept your application.”
She immediately held up her hand to stop any outburst from Sirshi.
“Please let me finish before you speak. I promise at no point will I terminate your apprenticeship. I want to explain something to you, and hopefully after that, you will have the answer you’re looking for.”
Sirshi closed her mouth and remained silent.
“She knew we’d met before, and she wanted my opinion. She believed that you were applying to be a priest out of spite for your parents. Knowing you now as I do, and knowing what I do about your parents, I believe she was correct.”
“But—”
The hand went up again, and Sirshi stopped talking.
“But I saw your face when you first walked into the temple. Something inside you changed for just a moment. I knew what you needed was guidance, and that’s what I told her. She assigned you to Master Daktra because the two of you are alike. Neither of you are particularly fond of being around people, and you needed someone who wold take a more hands off approach to your apprenticeship while you learned to trust the court. My insistence was always that you eventually become my apprentice, because I was confident that you already knew where you wanted to be, and that this temple would be the best fit for you.”
Sirshi nodded. Master Moudren had so much confidence in her. Why?
“You’re right. You’re not good with people, and I don’t think you care to be. But as a priest of Olmgra, and I hope one day head priest of your own temple, you will have to talk to people. You will have to listen to them, and you will be expected to give them hope for the future. They will come to you with problems, but I know you can succeed, and do you know why?”
Sirshi shook her head. It all sounded like no one expected her to succeed as a priest, except for Master Moudren.
“Because most of their problems will be because of other people. Whether it be love, family, or friends, other people — not always bad people, mind you — but all the same, other people are often the cause of their problems.”
“Why do they care?” Sirshi asked before she could stop herself.
“And that’s why I know you’ll succeed.” Master Moudren smiled at her. “I’ve heard some of your conversations with your friends. You always ask them that question, and it reminds them to worry more about themselves than other people. It won’t always, of course. Your friends are quite unique.”
Sirshi agreed wholeheartedly with that. Her friends were nothing if not unique.
“But so are you. You have a unique outlook on life, and that’s what you need. It’s not always about fixing problems, it’s about living with them. And in that regard, you’ll do fine.”
Master Moudren stood up from her desk.
“Don’t worry, Apprentice Sirshi. I intend to see that you become a master priest.”
Sirshi bowed to her. Master Moudren was the best. She had known it since that day she’d taken shelter in the Temple of the Rising Sun. If Master Moudren said she could do it, then Sirshi knew she could, too.