Hope for the Future, Part III
Later that day, Kurgm’s words were still in Sirshi’s head. She sat in the library with Aonva and Roshil, with a book about the Temple of the Rising Sun open in front of her. She’d read it before, but she wanted to know if every priest had to be like Master Moudren.
I like Master Moudren. But I’m not her. I can’t be her.
Something poked her arm, and she wrenched it back. She settled down somewhat when she saw it was Roshil that had poked her.
“Something wrong?” Roshil whispered.
“I’m fine,” Sirshi snapped, a little louder than she’d meant to.
“You haven’t complained about being here yet. We’ve been here almost an hour, and you haven’t complained about being here almost an hour.”
“So? I thought it annoyed you when I complained.”
Aonva shushed her, then shrank in her seat when Sirshi glared at her. She turned back to Roshil and found a glare waiting for her.
“What?” Sirshi snapped, no longer bothering to keep her voice down. “I’m fine! I don’t need anyone telling me what to do, or that I’m not a ‘people person’ like every other apprentice. So what if I don’t like being around people. What’s the big deal?”
Roshil and Aonva stared at her. Sirshi glared at them, daring one of them to try lecturing her.
“Master Grund doesn’t like people.” Roshil furled her brow and pressed her lips together, which Sirshi had come to learn was her “thinking face”. “I think he might like me, but I can’t think of anyone else he likes.”
Sirshi eased up her glare. Maybe she should’ve realized that Roshil and Aonva weren’t the lecturing type. An Aonva lecture amounted to a long-winded speech about something Aonva liked, but Sirshi could safely tune those out. Roshil engaged Aonva, so there was no need for Sirshi to pay attention.
Aonva turned her eyes down and closed her book.
“We have to go,” she said. “Roshil and I have class soon.”
“Right,” Roshil said, closing her book. To Sirshi, she said, “We can talk later. Or not, if you don’t want to.”
“Sure,” Sirshi said, not sure to what she was agreeing.
She watched her friends go, then packed up her own book and returned it to the shelf. What had Roshil said about Lord Grund? He wasn’t a people person either. Neither was Master Daktra, now that she thought about it. She hadn’t seen her old master in a while, but he’d been a lot like her when she was his apprentice.
On her way out of the library, Sirshi ran into someone who, unlike Roshil and Aonva, had no problem lecturing her, and frequently did.
“Apprentice Sirshi.”
“Master Ekla.”
Sirshi tried to walk past her sister, but Ekla moved to block her path.
“Would you please follow me?”
Sirshi glared at her sister. She had a feeling this would end up being a waste of her time. The last thing she needed was a lecture from her sister.
“Why?”
“I only want to talk. Please?”
“You always ‘only want to talk’. Next thing I know, I’m getting lectured on not being ladylike, or not upsetting father, or—”
“It’s about what Master Moudren told you a few days ago. I want to help.”
Sirshi opened her mouth to snap at her sister, but she remembered the previous year, and her father’s attempts to get her removed from the temple.
“Fine.”
She followed Ekla through the corridors and into the gardens. The sun shone down on the blooming flowers and fresh grass. Children ran while their parents talked and pretended to keep an eye on them. Occasionally, an adult would shout for the children not to kill each other, or not to put something in their mouths.
Why do people even have children? Sirshi stepped aside before one of the terrors could run her over.
Ekla led her to a bench and sat down. Sirshi sat down beside her.
“Why did you choose to become an apprentice?” Ekla asked.
“Because mother and father made me. Remember? It wasn’t like I had a choice.”
“They aren’t making you anymore. So why stay?”
“Why shouldn’t I? I want to be a priest. Don’t think you can talk me out of it. You were the one that wanted me to stay so badly.”
“Serving the court means serving the community. From what I’ve gathered from Master Moudren, you don’t want that.”
“I’m so tired of people telling me what I want! What I can do! ‘You can’t be a priest because it’s not what’s best for the family.’ ‘You can’t be a priest because you get too angry.’ ‘You can’t be a priest because you don’t like people.’ Why can’t everyone just leave me alone?”
Sirshi got to her feet and started to storm off.
“I want you to be a priest.”
Sirshi stopped and turned on her heel to glare at her sister.
“Why?”
“Because it’s what you want. I only want to know why it’s what you want. If it’s only to spite our father, then that’s not a good reason to stay.”
Ekla’s face was impassive, her tone neutral. Sirshi knew she practiced it. This wasn’t her sister, this was the great Master Ekla talking to her.
“I don’t care what he thinks!” Sirshi stormed back over to her sister. “You know why I want to be a priest? Because Master Moudren cares what I think! So what if I’m not good at it? So what if I make people cry instead of making them feel better? I know all the rites and rituals. I like being in the temple. Why can’t everyone leave me alone and let me stay?!”
Sirshi stormed out of the gardens, ignoring the stares people gave her. Who cared what they thought? She certainly didn’t. She was tired of people telling her what to do, what to think, how to act. So what if she wasn’t good with people? She wasn’t convinced her sister was either, but she got by just fine. Why did everyone have a problem with Sirshi?