Hope for the Future, Part II
“Good morning, Sirshi.”
Sirshi was already cleaning up after the Sun Welcoming Ceremony, when Oshal, Kurgm, and another boy she didn’t know came up to her. She thought she’d seen him the day before at the Flower Blooming Ceremony.
“Hi, Oshal,” she said, knowing that if she acknowledged anyone else, Kurgm in particular, they’d start talking and never stop.
“This is Apprentice Zifor,” Oshal said, motioning to his other friend. “Zifor, this is Apprentice Sirshi.”
“It’s nice to meet you!” Zifor shouted.
Sirshi stared at him for a moment. “Sure.”
She returned her focus to sweeping the floor, hoping the others would leave her alone. It wasn’t that she didn’t like Oshal; he could tell when she wanted to be left alone, unlike his sister. She kept talking, but in a way that wasn’t as annoying as everyone else, so Sirshi didn’t mind her as much.
“We’ll let you get back to your work,” Oshal said. “Make today a bright day.”
“You too,” Sirshi replied.
“It was nice to meet you,” Zifor said in a slightly quieter voice than before.
“Sure.”
While Zifor and Oshal left, Kurgm stayed behind. Sirshi sensed he was about to talk to her about something.
“He’s actually really nice,” Kurgm said, motioning behind him. “And doesn’t usually shout like that.”
“Okay.”
“His parents come here every day, and he wanted to try coming back.”
“I don’t remember asking.”
She remembered what Master Moudren had told her the previous day. Did spreading hope mean listening to peoples’ problems? It certainly meant dealing with people. Kurgm was a knight, wasn’t he? Weren’t they supposed to be good at helping people?
Knowing she would regret it later, she asked Kurgm.
“You’re a knight. How do you deal with people?”
Kurgm stepped out of her way as she moved with the broom.
“Well first, I wouldn’t use the words ‘deal with people’. A lot of it’s listening to their problems.”
“Ugh.”
“What? I thought that’s what you did with Roshil.”
“Have you ever tried getting her and Aonva to stop talking?”
Kurgm opened his mouth, but Sirshi wasn’t waiting for an answer.
“It’s pointless. They keep talking to you anyway. Aonva goes on and on about some exam she has, or some work she’s doing, like anyone cares that it’s perfect. I get by just fine with the effort I put in.”
“I’m going to guess that you don’t put in much effort.”
Sirshi shrugged. “I put in what I need to.”
Kurgm didn’t say anything for a moment. That was fine with Sirshi. She continued sweeping the temple while he kept out of her way.
“Doesn’t my sister usually drag you away by now?”
“She’s giving me some time to myself. Not a lot, though.”
“Still trying to figure out why no one likes you?”
“What?”
“Whatever your problem was that you went into the Meditation Room for. Something about not having any friends.”
“Oh, that. Everything’s fine now. Just having some trouble fitting in with my new friends.”
“It’s just as well. Roshil gets annoyed when I mention you, then immediately changes the subject.”
Sirshi realized she’d never thought about why Roshil did that. This was followed by the realization that she also didn’t care why Roshil did that.
“Well, I don’t know why she’d be annoyed. I mean, me and Aonva—”
“Didn’t ask, don’t care.”
Sirshi finished sweeping and walked over to the utility closet to get the cloths to clean the statue.
“See, that’s the wrong attitude to take when helping people.”
“Who said I need to help people? I don’t need to help them, I just need to make them feel better about the future or something. I’m spreading hope.”
“Well, what do you hope for?”
“That this conversation won’t be long.”
Sirshi rubbed the base of the statue with a damp cloth.
“If you push people away, it’s going to be hard to make them feel better about the future. Why not say something like ‘I’m sure it’ll be okay’?”
“I’m sure it’ll be okay,” Sirshi said without a hint of enthusiasm.
“Hm. Needs work. Maybe try smiling?”
Sirshi turned away from the statue and spread her mouth wide, showing her teeth.
Kurgm took a step back.
“I think you’re fine without the smile.”
Sirshi’s face returned to its neutral stance of informing everyone around her to go away.
“What was the point of that?” she asked. “Does that actually work with people?”
“Sometimes. Honestly, I’m not good at this either.”
“I noticed. Are you sure you don’t have knight things to do?”
“No, I’m free for a few minutes.”
“Great. I’m so happy for you.”
“That’s better, but say it like you mean it.”
“What if I don’t mean it?”
“Don’t you want to help people? Isn’t that why you became an apprentice?”
“My parents made me become an apprentice. The only choice I got was my specialization, and they wouldn’t have let me stay a priest if not for my sister.”
“I remember, I was there for that. But Our Lady Exalted Priest must’ve seen something in you to accept your application.”
Sirshi shrugged and turned her attention to a stubborn smudge on the statue’s robe.
“You’d have to ask her. I don’t know why she let me in, but I don’t question it.”
“Maybe you should ask more questions?”
“Here’s one: Don’t you have somewhere else to be?”
“You already asked that. I’m glad that you’re worried about me being late, though.”
Sirshi wondered if Kurgm was intentionally ignoring her tone, or if he really was that bad at picking up social cues. Then again, she wasn’t sure Roshil would notice her tone either. Oshal would probably pick up on it, but he was so sweet that she felt bad snapping at him.
“Why don’t you try practicing on me? Pretend I’m upset about something.”
Sirshi rolled her eyes, then glanced around to make sure Master Moudren hadn’t seen her do that. She sighed, then put down the cloth.
“Be happy.”
“I want to be, but life’s just so tough.”
“Sure it is. Get over it.”
“Well… um… I don’t know if I’m going to be a good apprentice.”
“So what? If people don’t think you’re good enough, that’s their problem. Who cares what they think? Be better than them out of spite. And when you’re the next great master, on your way to an officer, you can turn back to them and laugh at them. And when their children want an apprenticeship, you can say ‘Well, I don’t know if you’re court material. Such a shame that your parents are a complete waste of space that never loved you. Better luck next time.’”
Kurgm stared at her open mouthed. Sensing that he wasn’t going to talk again for a while, Sirshi returned to cleaning the statue.
“It’s a miracle, I’m cured,” Kurgm said with no emotion in his voice. “I’m going to go now. Good luck with everything.”
“Make today a bright day,” Sirshi said, mostly out of habit.
“You too.”
As Kurgm walked out of the temple over the freshly cleaned floor that she’d have to sweep again, Sirshi felt better. She finally had peace and quiet.
Even as she continued her chores, something Kurgm had said bothered her.
Don’t you want to help people? Isn’t that why you became an apprentice?
What did it matter if she wanted to help people? People could help themselves, couldn’t they? Why was it her responsibility to help them? But the thought that dug inside her and made itself at home was the worst of the bunch: If she couldn’t help people, could she still be an apprentice?